Sunday, June 6, 2010

Who am I?

I was feeding Ava today thinking. One of these days, before I know it, I'm going to be babyless. Then diaperless, binkyless, sippy-cupless, napless, --I know I'm making up words left and right, but it's my blog, not a research paper! ;)-- and eventually kidless. Most of the things that absolutely consume my every waking moment right now (and some sleeping ones, too) will be over soon.
And I wonder, who am I without all these things? I define myself as "mommy". But what happens when all my kids need from me is an occassional text message? Who will I be then? It scares me that I don't know who I am.
Someone asked me recently what my hobbies are. I'm supposed to have hobbies? Things I do for fun? I think grocery shopping without four kids is fun. My hobbies are making the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich and pushing a two-year old on the swing just high enough to make her feel like a big girl but not too high to be scary. What happens when those hobbies are worthless? When no one needs or wants them anymore?
I can just see me at a job interview:
"What makes you qualified for this job?"
"Well, sir, I can kiss all your owies and they'll magically heal. I can read "Green Eggs and Ham" 300 times in a row with exactly the same voices every time. And to top it all off, I can bathe a baby, talk on the phone, wipe bottoms, and clean the tile floor all at the same time!"
So, just to make me feel better, here's a list of things I like to do that have nothing to do with kids.
~Read! I love to read just about anything I can get my hands on. (Do they pay people to do that?)
~Write! If you haven't learned that by my endless ramblings here...
~Go on evening walks.
~Bake! I love to make sweet (chocolate anyone?) things especially. =)
~I liked scrapbooking before I got so hopelessly behind that it became terribly discouraging.
~Music! I seroiusly sing all the time. Even now I just turn the music up louder and sing over the chaos.
Hmmmm.... That's all I can think of.
Of course since I started writing this I've managed to keep Ava awake for an extra half hour so she won't (hopefully!) wake up at 4:50 in the morning, bathed Julia and put her jammy dress on, and kept updated on Caleb's latest project. So my mind may not be focusing very well.

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