Friday, February 18, 2011

It's happening

Well we're doing it. As of sometime next week, we will be moved in to our new house. I'm kinda surprised, actually. I don't know why, but I really never thought we'd live in Central City again. When I was in highschool there, most of my good friends wanted to get as far away from CC as possible. And I was pretty sure I wanted to go with them. And the year we lived there after getting married was pretty much a complete disaster.
Hmmm.... I really didn't know I wanted to move back.
But apparently I am anyway.
I'm not sure I'm really excited, but I'm ok with it.
I'm excited about some stuff. The house is HUGE (maybe big enough to ignore the yellowish/greenish stove and the flowery wallpaper everywhere). It's a perfect location - far from the train tracks and walking distance to all the important things (library, park, pool, church). Family close.
I'm sad to leave Lincoln, though. Our house is way too small for us, but I have happy memories here. And it's really hard to leave our church and move away from friends.
God doesn't always call us to do the easy thing, though. I feel like He led us down this unexpected path. My confidence in Him gives me peace and comfort and hope when I would otherwise be freaking out!
Looking back through the other moves in my life, I'm recognizing a pattern of coping mechanisms I use to deal with things that make me nervous or that I don't really like. I hide in my house, cry, and eat lots of chocolate trying to avoid actually having to say goodbye to anyone. I refuse to make friends in the first place so that when we move, no one will care.
My plans aren't working so great this time. Too late not to make any friends. And on top of that, they want to have going away parties for us. =) No hiding for me.
And I'm realizing that it's good for me to walk through this process. God is reminding me of His faithfulness and His goodness and His love in ways that I would never have needed if I'd spent my time hiding. He is walking with me, holding my hand, and reminding me that I'm being rather pathetic for only moving 90 minutes away. I mean, for all my over-emotionalizing this (yes, I just made that word up...), Lincoln has much better shopping options than Grand Island. We will be driving back and forth. If for no other reason than I love Target! =) Hopefully some of my friends will think the hour and a half drive to CC isn't too terribly far to make every now and then.
And God will provide. New friends. A new church. A new pattern of life. And it will be good, but not perfect. Heaven will be perfect, and I guess that's what I really want. To never deal with separation or distance or fear again. I guess I'll be waiting for that for a while still.