Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Beautiful Mess

I look back at today and feel...well honestly?...  mostly guilt.
For the things I should've done.

The list of things completed is always so much shorter than the To Do list.

I lost my patience so many times today.

Learned supper last night was...interesting.

Forgot half the butter in the brownies.
In my defense, I was talking on the phone and fending off four "helping hands" while baking.  It's a miracle they turned out at all.

I heard so much screaming and crying and whining and ugliness coming out of my kids' mouths and hearts.
So much disobedience floating around here.
And not all from small people. 

The living room floor is STILL not vacuumed.

I'm accustomed to just quitting at the end of the day - knowing that I will never be done.  That the list tomorrow constantly grows bigger than the list was today.  Overflowing with the things never finished from the first.

We missed church tonight.  Maybe three nights and one morning a week at church is too much??

And all in the middle of so much NOISE!

Everything is loud with four kids.
And everything takes at least three times longer than you think it should.

So Caleb's putting kids to bed, and it's finally, mostly, quiet.  And I'm reading my Bible.  Which I didn't wake up early enough to do this morning and forgot to do at naptime - again with the guilt.

And here's what I read.  (Out of my grandma's amplified version again - so it's wordy)

Isaiah 62:2-3
"And the nations shall see your righteousness and vindication - your rightness and justice [not your own, but His ascribed to you] - and all kings shall behold your salvation and glory and you shall be called by a a new name, which the mouth of the Lord shall name.  You shall also be [so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as] a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem [exceedingly beautiful] in the hand of your God."

God's speaking to Israel here, but work with me...

I tend to think that someday my life will be quiet and calm and serene and beautiful.  And then God will look at me and say, "I know you went through a really rough, crazy time of life but now look at you!  You've survived and the whole world can see my glory shining through you.  You're beautiful!"

But maybe...and believe me, it only feels like maybe...

Maybe God sees His righteousness and His glory and my new name and His salvation shining brilliantly through His work in the middle of my crazy life - this beautiful mess.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Music dilemmas...

I'm doing music at church on Wednesday nights for about 25 fourth, fifth, and sixth grade girls.  Just three songs a week usually.  You'd think it would be easy, right?
A fifteen minute a week commitment?

Yeah, that's what I thought too.

I want to build relationships with these girls.  So I asked for their input.

Fyi:  Not sure I would recommend this.

See, I have sweet, sheltered girls whose minds have been diligently guarded by their parents.  They love the Toby Mac, Brit Nicole, K-LOVE type music.
I can do this on Wednesday nights.  (Since I have no guitar playing skills and the boys stole my husband who is my personal guitar playing guy, I'm stuck playing youtube videos anyway...)
But I also have girls who love Justin Beiber and Taylor Swift - and want to sing their songs for Wednesday nights.


I'm not going to argue with their parents here, but I watched Justin Beiber videos on youtube for "research".
Let's just say I could only stomach two.
He's a sweet-faced, cute kid until you see him dancing around provocatively with 20-some year old women in bikinis.

Wow.  Wish I could erase that from my brain.

Anyway...I'm going tonight armed with a few verses to explain why I pick the music I do, and we're going to have a little chat.
Maybe it will go way over their heads.  After all they're 10, 11, 12 years old.  Maybe they'll be annoyed with me and write me off as old and boring.  And maybe one or two of them will remember the Word of God next time they decide what to put into their minds.  

Anyway, the point of this is I'm practicing on you!  Be excited.  I always have to write down important things before I say them to make sure I thought them through right first.  I envy people who can say exactly what they mean the first time without re-wording it in their heads 15 times first...

So.  Here goes.

Ephesians 5:18b - 19
" Be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord."

I might just stick to this one verse.  Don't wanna beat them over the head with a bunch of "shall nots".  
I love this "making Melody" phrase.  I feel like it sums up my whole life.  This is what I want any music that comes out of my mouth to be about.

My story goes like this.  I grew up listening to what my parents told me to listen to - read Sandi Patti and Steve Green.   My goal in life was to sing like Sandi Patti.  I sang ALL the time.  I remember my poor parents reminding me at practically every meal that it's rude to sing and/or hum constantly while eating.  (Yes, I know.  Now my kids do this too...)
Still today I ALWAYS have a song in my head.  This morning when I woke up the first thing that popped into my head was, "Worthy is the Lamb seated on the throne.  Crown You now with many crowns.  You reign victorious!"

In highschool, it was SO NOT COOL to listen to KROA.  So I started trying to fit in.  I wanted to avoid the - get in the car with your friends and not know whatever really popular Celine Dion song is playing and sit there like an idiot while everyone sings along but me - awkward situation.
So I started listening to Britney Spears and whatever else was on. 
I clearly remember being in the shower one morning singing, "Hit me baby one more time" when all of a sudden I thought, "I don't even know what this means?!"  "What is this crap I am putting in my head???"
And I decided I was done.

So I purposely pick music with really good words.  I'm pretty picky about it.  Annoyingly so, my husband would say.  He loves all kinds of music.  And he informs me that my "awesome words" music has a tendency to be BORING.
But I love it.
It puts my mind on Jesus all the time.  And keeps it there during my crazy days.

Hmmm...  That's all I have.  I'm afraid it's not going to go over well with pre-teen girls.