This is the day - the week, I guess - that we should've added another member to our family. The baby that we lost is in heaven in Jesus' arms. I am more excited to go to heaven one day, knowing that I will be able to finally meet our precious baby. I kind of envy him, actually, I think. Never knowing pain or tears or sickness or betrayal.... I don't want to make you sad or feel sorry for me by writing this. I just want to know that someone's remembering with me - even if I have to remind you. I have this nagging thought in my brain that my baby is sitting in heaven with all the babies whose mothers have purposely ended their lives thinking that we didn't want him and that nobody remembers him. I'm not sure that fits the Biblical version of heaven at all. But... as Caleb will tell you freely, I have a big imagination.
And, I have another tiny life growing inside of me (which, also according to Caleb, has made me totally, unreasonably emotional and hormonal.) I constantly am reminding myself to totally trust God with this baby, too, because He has a perfect plan for this tiny person just like He did for our other baby.
I have a song for this last year that I'm sure you've all heard MANY times - I have. I couldn't say what I've heard God tell me this last year any better. It's by Tree 63.
"Blessed be Your Name in the land that is plentiful, where Your streams of abundance flow. Blessed be Your Name.
And blessed be Your Name when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be Your Name.
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise.
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say,
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious Name
And blessed be Your Name when the sun's shining down on me, when the world's all as it should be, blessed be Your Name.
And blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your Name.
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise.
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say,
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious Name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be Your Name"
God has the power and authority to give and take away, and I have the choice to respond in trust and praise.
Job responded exactly that way when God took everything away from him. Job 1:21 "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
