I look back at today and feel...well honestly?... mostly guilt.
For the things I should've done.
The list of things completed is always so much shorter than the To Do list.
I lost my patience so many times today.
Learned supper last night was...interesting.
Forgot half the butter in the brownies.
In my defense, I was talking on the phone and fending off four "helping hands" while baking. It's a miracle they turned out at all.
I heard so much screaming and crying and whining and ugliness coming out of my kids' mouths and hearts.
So much disobedience floating around here.
And not all from small people.
The living room floor is STILL not vacuumed.
I'm accustomed to just quitting at the end of the day - knowing that I will never be done. That the list tomorrow constantly grows bigger than the list was today. Overflowing with the things never finished from the first.
We missed church tonight. Maybe three nights and one morning a week at church is too much??
And all in the middle of so much NOISE!
Everything is loud with four kids.
And everything takes at least three times longer than you think it should.
So Caleb's putting kids to bed, and it's finally, mostly, quiet. And I'm reading my Bible. Which I didn't wake up early enough to do this morning and forgot to do at naptime - again with the guilt.
And here's what I read. (Out of my grandma's amplified version again - so it's wordy)
God's speaking to Israel here, but work with me...
I tend to think that someday my life will be quiet and calm and serene and beautiful. And then God will look at me and say, "I know you went through a really rough, crazy time of life but now look at you! You've survived and the whole world can see my glory shining through you. You're beautiful!"
But maybe...and believe me, it only feels like maybe...
Maybe God sees His righteousness and His glory and my new name and His salvation shining brilliantly through His work in the middle of my crazy life - this beautiful mess.
For the things I should've done.
The list of things completed is always so much shorter than the To Do list.
I lost my patience so many times today.
Learned supper last night was...interesting.
Forgot half the butter in the brownies.
In my defense, I was talking on the phone and fending off four "helping hands" while baking. It's a miracle they turned out at all.
I heard so much screaming and crying and whining and ugliness coming out of my kids' mouths and hearts.
So much disobedience floating around here.
And not all from small people.
The living room floor is STILL not vacuumed.
I'm accustomed to just quitting at the end of the day - knowing that I will never be done. That the list tomorrow constantly grows bigger than the list was today. Overflowing with the things never finished from the first.
We missed church tonight. Maybe three nights and one morning a week at church is too much??
And all in the middle of so much NOISE!
Everything is loud with four kids.
And everything takes at least three times longer than you think it should.
So Caleb's putting kids to bed, and it's finally, mostly, quiet. And I'm reading my Bible. Which I didn't wake up early enough to do this morning and forgot to do at naptime - again with the guilt.
And here's what I read. (Out of my grandma's amplified version again - so it's wordy)
Isaiah 62:2-3
"And the nations shall see your righteousness and vindication - your rightness and justice [not your own, but His ascribed to you] - and all kings shall behold your salvation and glory and you shall be called by a a new name, which the mouth of the Lord shall name. You shall also be [so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as] a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem [exceedingly beautiful] in the hand of your God."
God's speaking to Israel here, but work with me...
I tend to think that someday my life will be quiet and calm and serene and beautiful. And then God will look at me and say, "I know you went through a really rough, crazy time of life but now look at you! You've survived and the whole world can see my glory shining through you. You're beautiful!"
But maybe...and believe me, it only feels like maybe...
Maybe God sees His righteousness and His glory and my new name and His salvation shining brilliantly through His work in the middle of my crazy life - this beautiful mess.
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