In my heart there rings a Melody

Rescued

2011-10-20T09:21:00.000-05:00

So it took me four hours to get home from Lincoln last night. For those of you who don't live here, it's a 90 minute drive from Lincoln to CC.
Why?
Well...I was talking on the phone to Allie, and I heard this weird thumping noise. My tire was flat. Like really, really flat. Hmmm... I wonder how long I'd been driving on it like that? So I pulled off on the interstate exit and York and called Caleb.
If you know me, you know. I have NO talent at fixing anything. That's why I married a man who can fix everything. =)
So, the last time I remember anyone trying to show me how to change a tire was in highschool. My dad and I were on our way back from track practice or something at school when the tire broke. It was freezing. And I stood there thinking, "Why do our cars always break?" while he showed me how to change dead tires. He has lots of practice. =)
Since then I've just let Caleb take care of all mechanical things. It's so much faster. And easier.
But last night Caleb was an hour away.
So armed with my Odyssey's manual and Caleb's directions on the phone, I went to work.
I pulled the spare tire out of the van and found the jack.
Then I found the spot to put the jack (that part was not easy).
I had to kick the thing that unscrews the lug nuts (I think that's the right word...) to get them unstuck. Apparently Caleb tightens things much tighter than I can untighten them.
He kept saying something about 100 foot pounds.
Whatever that means.
And I was spinning the little thing on the jack to make the van go up when this nice man appeared.
By this time I was freezing and wishing that somebody who actually had a clue what they were doing would show up and rescue me. But I was also VERY impressed with myself. I had just changed half a tire BY MYSELF!
So, this man is the director of Christian Heritage (a Christian adoption agency here in Nebraska) and took pity on me because he has a wife who doesn't know how to change tires either. He didn't figure he'd want his wife sitting on the side of the road trying to change a tire while his three kids ran around like psychos in the back of their van (which is what Julia was doing in the back of our van...)
And I was thankful.
Thankful that he knew what he was doing.
Thankful for the help.
Thankful that he was not creepy, and I was not scared of him.
Thankful for a man to choose to be late to his meeting in order to be God's hands and feet in my life.
Thankful that God takes good care of me.
This has been a hard week for alot of reasons. I feel on the verge of panic about different things at different times. God does not seem the least bit interested in what seems to me to be best. And I was desperate for a reminder of God's goodness.
That man walking up to my van was God stepping into my life saying, "See? You could do this by yourself, but I'm paying so much attention to even the little details of your life that I'll help you. This man will be Me walking into your life to remind you that I take good care of you."
I needed that yesterday.
And I wondered... Something had to go wrong for God to point that out to me. So maybe the things that seem terribly wrong in my life are the setup for God to stun me and those around me with His goodness and mercy and kindness and love.
Just maybe.
Doesn't really feel like that most of the time.
But here's a quote I read today.

Our feelings do not affect God's facts. They may blow up, like clouds, and cover the eternal things that we do most truly believe. We may not see the shining of the promises - but they still shine! - Amy Carmichael

Sunday Afternoon

2011-10-17T16:43:00.001-05:00

I took a nice Sunday afternoon nap, and this is what I woke up to. Apparently 60 degrees in the middle of October is not too cold to play in the mud daddy makes in the driveway while washing the van. Julia was blue. If they're not sick this week, it'll be a miracle.

We went for a walk across the new bridge. It's gorgeous!

We probably should've taken the stroller...

Ava climbing.

I have no picture taking talent, but the sunset was gorgeous. All I had to do was point and shoot. =)

What happens when I forget my camera

2011-09-23T20:44:00.000-05:00

Long, thin wisps
like paintbrush strokes
trailing behind a massive dark cloud.
Bright white strands intertwined with dark grey-blue ribbons.
Ends swept up on one end as if in a shrugged smile.
Stretching from east to west.
Following.
Brush strokes over cool, bright-blue fall air.

And corn
not quite brown
but dying.
Readying itself for it's end:
Harvest
Used to sustain life going on after its death.

I'd like to be the clouds.
Delicate beauty
vibrantly displaying the glory of God.
Showing off.
Fleeting.
Am I willing to admit that I'm just vapor?
Glowing pink for mere minutes
but for that minute, the most glorious thing in the sky
drawing praise
turning eyes to the Creator.

But who wants to be the corn?
One of millions exactly like it
standing row by row
whose purpose is growth
then multiplication
then death.
Fun, huh?

All this beauty.
For us?

And then:
"God created man in His own image,
in the image of God He created him;
male and female He created them.
[And] God saw all that He had made,
and behold, it was very good."
Gen. 1:27, 31 (italics mine)

An afternoon in the backyard

2011-09-12T14:28:00.000-05:00

So I seem to have run out of words to write. Maybe that means I'm talking too much.
Or maybe I just feel so confused about life that I'm not very sure what to write. Maybe when I get a little smarter I'll start writing again. Or maybe you'll end up having to listen to me sorting out my confusion by writing. But for now...
PICTURES!
Be excited. =)

For His Glory!

2011-08-08T17:34:00.001-05:00

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9 (NAS)

I've been thinking alot about this verse lately.
It seems that God does not do things the way I think I would if I were Him.

Huh.

Probably not too surprising to you.
But I am constantly surprised by how surprised I am when God doesn't listen to how I think He should do things.

Today is the five year anniversary of the day we bought our home in Lincoln. The last $1,500 of our "fix-up our trash-hole of a first home" mortgage is forgiven today. Too bad we've paid an extra...oh...probably $4,000 for a house we're not living in the last six months.
No one seems to want to buy our home. We've started asking everyone we know.
Wanna buy our house???
Here it is!!!
It's not fancy, but it's cheap! And it has new siding and windows and kitchen cabinets and flooring and doors and pretty paint. And I killed most of the spiders that have moved in over the last six months when I was there Saturday.
Sorry... I got a little carried away. =)

Anyway, the point of this is that we should not be able to pay the combined rent and mortgage on two homes.
Not for six months.

On top of that, after months of debating back and forth, we've decided to send the kids to NC. I think we seem a bit crazy. Because obviously we have no extra money right now. And there's nothing wrong with the (free!) public school four blocks down the road.
But Caleb and I have prayed for God's direction, and we both came to the conclusion that this is what God is calling us to do with our kids for this year. So I thought we'd have to find some extra money lying around. Goodbye carefully saved "romantical vacation for our 10th anniversary" fund... =(
Anyone have a rich great-aunt who would like to adopt us?

And I am amazed by God.
I'm not sure you need all the messy details. But in ways that I would never expect, in timing that I usually think is too slow, He's providing for this decision.
Without our house selling.
And without using my not-so-necessary romantical vacation fund.
Things I did not think were possible.

And He's getting the glory for it. Because it obviously isn't our decision-making talent that got us here.
We did not move to Central City to send the kids to NC.
We almost bought a house out in the middle of nowhere before selling ours in Lincoln.
We almost just stayed in Lincoln forever.

But I have this feeling that God knows what He's doing in the middle of all this craziness. Like maybe the end result of all this moving and job-changing and church-switching and lack of absolutes on the plan for our lives (none of which I wanted, by the way) might turn out to be pretty great.
For His glory!

Loving the least

2011-08-02T09:21:00.000-05:00

So they seem to have managed to do something. Made some sort of deal that doesn't fix the problem at all - just extends their opportunity to fix it. That is, if I'm understanding what happened right.
Meanwhile:
Beneath all the front page headlines - buried underneath "important" stuff like:
"Blazing Heat Scorches Midwest, South"
"Biden Criticized for 'Terrorist' Tea Party Remarks"
"Machine Turns Air into Water"
"Miley's Tattoo Starts Twitter War"
"Putin: America's a Parasite on World's Economy"
(These are all front page headlines from Fox News and CNN this morning)
Half way around the world. Something no one seems to want to talk much about. I literally could not find anything about it on Fox News. And one article buried in the World section of CNN. I had to google it.
Here.
People are dying. Starving. In Somalia and much of eastern Africa. I've heard stories of mothers walking six weeks to find a filthy refugee camp with at least a small amount of food - leaving their children dying on the side of the road on the way. A five year old can't walk for six weeks with little or no food or water. Can you imaging the heartbreak?
And men who HATE preventing willing aid workers from helping the most desperate. Those men will face God some day.
Why is it so hard to see? We like sensational news. We like graphic news. We like unique news. We like to be entertained.
We do not like hopelessness. We're not really that interested in people half a world away who have nothing. People die in Africa all the time, right? At least it's not me.
But these are people. Created in God's image. Loved by Him.
As God's children, we had better care.
If Jesus were a man on earth today, He would care. He would weep with the suffering. And He would do something - what He could do - to help.
That's why I was excited! When I googled "Somalia famine", guess what the first link was?
www.samaritanspurse.org
So I clicked the link and was led here.
God's people being His hands and feet in a part of the world that desperately needs Him. While our politicians (the "powerful" people in our country) try to make each other look bad, God's people take it upon themselves to do something.
God's challenge to me is Pray! Give! Do something! In My name! To bring Me more glory!
How can I ignore?

My political soapbox

2011-07-30T09:23:00.000-05:00

I love to watch the news. Maybe it's kinda geeky, but I think newspapers are cool.
I grew up watching Dan Rather and Ken Siemek on CBS with my dad while he stretched after running. Now my kids watch cartoons while I make supper during this same time frame.
But I still like to keep up with what's going on in the world.
So I've been watching the people we've elected attempt to come to some kind of deal over the budget issue.
And I have to say I'm puzzled.
These are supposedly the best qualified people in the country to lead us. Men and women of wisdom and purpose and integrity - I would hope.
And they're sitting around Washington squabbling and pointing fingers like a bunch of preschoolers. It seems no one actually wants a solution to the problem. They simply want a giant disaster to occur and to be able to point the finger of blame at their rivals. The Republicans want Obama to be remembered as the President who defaulted on America's debt. And the Democrats want to blame the inflexibility of the Republicans for the fiscal mess we'll be in (no doubt) during the 2012 elections.
It reminds me of my kids "playing" in the basement yesterday. They wanted to play together. But Ethan and Kylie were being too rough. So Julia was screaming - alot. Which those of you who know Julia will know happens quite often. So no one pays much attention anymore when Julia screams. Anyway, none of them were nearly as interested in playing nicely together downstairs as they were in running upstairs and blaming all the screaming on everyone else. It was never their fault - and they wanted me to know it. So I got a running newsreel of the blame game.
"Ethan pulled my hair!"
"Kylie sat on my arm!"
"Julia kicked my knee!"
All in overdone whiny, nasly voices.
Sound familiar?
Now I expect my kids to play together nicely and enjoy spending time together. But I also expect some level of bickering from them. They're kids. They haven't learned how to be unselfish and kind. That's what I'm for - to teach them.
But it seems rather ridiculous that our elected representatives (well-educated, wealthy adults) can't do anything because they've paralyzed themselves with partisan bickering and just plain stubborness.
It seems to this stay-at-home mom who obviously has no clout in Washington that a few things should be perfectly clear to them.
You can't keep make $2.6 trillion a year and spend $3.8 trillion (Pretty sure those are the numbers I heard...)
Just like I can't buy a $3 million home on the beach in California. It doesn't work to shove the mortgage onto a credit card and only pay interest forever.
Duh.
Doesn't take a Phd or 3 million votes to figure that out.
"But I love the beach!"
"It's my favorite place in the world!"
"Other people have beach homes!"
"I want one too!"
(Hear the whining??)
Too bad. Not in the budget.
Sooner or later something has to be cut somewhere. Maybe that cut will be painful to you and me. But we can't keep spending imaginary money.
The other thing I think Republicans and Democrats should realize is that all of them are quickly losing the trust and respect of people worldwide. No one's coming out looking good here.
So grow up people! Act like men and women of integrity and wisdom and make some tough decisions that might not be popular in the short run but have the best interests of the country in mind. Just do something - besides all the constant arguing!

"Then Sings My Soul" by Robert J. Morgan

2011-07-25T11:17:00.001-05:00

Wow! It's been NINE months since my last book review blog! I've been busy, I guess, but the book I'm reviewing isn't that long. Confession: I had a hard time finishing it. Blame it on the NOOK Caleb bought me for Christmas. Or the fact that we moved. Or that we have four kids. Or that I'm a slacker. =)
Ok, so the review.
"Then Sings My Soul" is a compilation of 150 hymns with the stories behind them. I learned all kinds of things about hymn writers. Many of their stories are amazing! Stories of faith and trust in Jesus in the midst of the most difficult circumstances of life. Like Horatio Spafford who wrote "It is Well with My Soul" after his four daughters drowned while crossing the Atlantic Ocean.
I enjoyed reading the individual stories and singing through the hymns - some of which I hadn't thought about in a very long time. I remembered that I love the words to old hymns!
I was disappointed with the way this book is organized. The hymns seem to be arranged in no order at all. So I learned little bits about Fanny Crosby (who wrote multiple hymns) here and there - some facts repeated over and over. I wish Morgan had organized the hymns by author in chronological order. It would've helped me put all the hymn writers in their correct time frame and relation to each other. And I would've been able to see all the hymns a particular author wrote in one place.
However, I think Morgan's purpose in writing this book is more as a reference book for a worship leader to look up a particular hymn. For that, this book would be a great resource! I'm not sure I'd recommend trying to read it straight through.
This book was given to me by Thomas Nelson's Booksneeze book review blogger program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I've expressed are my own.

I've been waiting...

2011-07-18T21:29:00.001-05:00

I'm not very good at waiting. I figure if something's best, then it would be best if it happened now. Obviously God does not agree with me on this most of the time. Good thing He knows what He's doing!
So, here's something I've been waiting for almost TEN years for!

No, not the furniture - THIS!

This is my Grandma Johnson's china. Grandma loved to entertain. She had TONS of fancy napkins and tablecloths and dishes and serving plates and party decorations and silverware - and this china. I wish I knew what she used it for. Whether she liked it or not. Where she got it.
Ever since Caleb and I got married, I've been wanting a spot to put Grandma's china. Besides the box I wrapped it so carefully in and hid in my closet.
Saturday, my dad loaded up the cabinet in the picture and brought it to my house. I wasn't even home, but Josh helped him bring it inside and now, here it sits in my dining room!
Now I must admit. This cabinet (I'm not sure exactly what to call it...) is not exactly the style or color I would choose if given a gift certificate to Pottery Barn or Crate and Barrel or even Target.
But since I'm not likely to be able to afford this or this anytime soon (or ever) - and I don't need to ever spend that much money on anything just to look pretty anyway - and they would look rather odd next to my dented, colored-on Shopko-quality table - I'm super excited about my free...buffet??
It has all these cool little drawers and shelves for different sized and shaped objects. And eventually I plan to either paint or re-stain it and replace the hardware to update it a little. I just can't decide what to do with it quite yet. Ideas anyone??
As I look around my house, I think of so many people. You see, we've hardly bought a single item of furniture in 9 1/2 years. So I look at the love seat and think of Grandma and Grandpa Merchant.
The TV stand reminds me of my Grandma and Grandpa Johnson's basement and their bright yellow leather chair. If you ever get tired of the chair, mom... =)
The two odd dining room chairs remind me of Oma's visit to the thrift store.
Kylie's pink dresser used to be my dad's dresser/desk as a little boy. I'm sure he never imagined that one day his daughter would paint is PINK for his granddaughter. =)
So many memories stored up in our mismatched furniture. And hey! It matches our mismatched wallpaper pretty well! =)

Haiti through Becca's eyes

2011-07-02T10:56:00.000-05:00

If you're not already reading my sister's blog, you need to click this link right now and go read it. Becca's in Haiti for the summer. She's seeing God work in amazing ways.
After reading, I wondered why God seems to display His power in so many real ways in Haiti while here in America we seem to lack His power so often. I think it's because we put so many layers between us and being desperate for God to show up. Savings accounts. Government disaster and bailout programs. Health insurance. All too often, we trust these things instead of God.
In Haiti they have nothing. Either God shows up or they die. So they fervently and passionately beg Him to help them, and He shows up over and over again.
Sometimes I wonder if we in America with all our "blessings" are really as blessed as we think we are. The believers in Haiti are seeing God. Daily. And Becca sees Him work and writes it down beautifully. So read it.
Enjoy! =)

HELP!

2011-06-30T15:55:00.001-05:00

I'm messing with the look of my blog again. I'm not talented at computer stuff... So I can't tell how to get the GIANT pic of me and Caleb to shrink down to normal size and get down from on top of this post!
Come to think of it, you probably can't see anything I'm writing anyway. Anybody talented enough to know how to do that? And to get a pretty picture at the top of my blog. And change the www. part to something easier to remember. I figure if I can't ever remember it my own self, neither can you.
Maybe I should just pay a web designer to do it for me. So my kids would get something healthy to eat for supper. And I could keep my sanity. But for what?? 11 readers??
Not sure it's worth it, Melody. =)

30 seconds later:
Ah! When I viewed my blog after posting this post,
magically!
the picture has shrunk itself!!!
I have no idea what I did.
YAY for miracles!

30 Things

2011-06-23T16:51:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts- slowly. It's a bit much for my brain to absorb all at once.
For those of you who haven't read it, it's basically one woman's journey towards thankfulness and contentment and joy. She's a farmer's wife, a homeschooling mom of six kids.
Her words resonate in my heart, challenge me to fix my eyes on Jesus and practice thankfulness.
Work at it.
So, in an attempt to move myself in that direction, here are thirty things I am thankful for - in honor of my thirtieth birthday. (Yes, Micah, I'm old... =)

1.) Being 30 instead of 20 again. I was not as smart or as mature as I thought I was when I was 20.

2.) Moms! They took me to Lincoln for a day without kids.  Yay! I am so incredibly blessed to have two examples to follow of the Spirit of God displaying Himself through real women in real life.

3.) A break! My wonderful husband has noticed that I feel a little overextended right now. He's taking me to Colorado this weekend. Just the two of us soaking in the glory of God displayed in the grandeur of the Rocky Mountains.

4.) Small children keeping me on my toes and my knees.

5.) My dad taking time to practice baseball with Ethan. He can hit the ball great now!

6.) A huge house and great neighbors.

7.) An absolutely gorgeous day for a birthday. I hate to be hot, so usually I hide inside on my birthday, but today was 75 degrees, sunny, and perfect. I wish it would stay this way all summer!

8.) Plants from my mom that are NOT DYING - yet anyway. I have a bad record with plants...

9.) Birthday song texts from a friend. =)

10.) I don't have to homeschool in the fall! ( I may be a little too excited about that...)

11.) Free furniture.

12.) Baby snuggles and kisses.

13.) Caleb's in charge of putting the kids to bed. I am NOT a night person. =)

14.) Kids who are excited to read "The Little House on the Prairie" series with me.

15.) Robins and cardinals and blue jays and hummingbirds outside my windows.

16.) Music! Ava has started singing. "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" "Jesus Loves the Little Ones Like Me, Me, Me" "My God is so BIG!" It is the. sweetest. thing. EVER.

17.) My mom and dad and Kristi being excited to watch my kids for the weekend - even after VBS.

18.) The Word of God! And His Spirit challenging and comforting my heart through it.

19.) Chocolate chip cookies. Ok, any kind of chocolate. =)

20.) Mountains and sunsets and ocean waves and trees and flowers.

21.) Swings!

22.) The MANY people who have spoken truth into my kids' lives. Thank you, thank you for all your time and hard work and the willingness to just do it even when it's not easy to chase a whole ton of psycho little children.

23.) Our realtor's perseverance in trying to sell our house in Lincoln even when no one seems to want it very badly.

24.) A husband who can fix ANYTHING!

25.) Naps. =)

26.) The chance to live close to my grandma and grandpa again. I'm forever grateful for my grandma's wisdom and unconditional love and my grandpa's loving and godly example.

27.) Food to feed my kids. I think often of the utter helplessness of many mommies around the world who have no way to feed their hungry kids. I need to be reminded to pray and give more.

28.) My brothers and sisters! Even the one who told Anna it was my birthday so all 250 or so VBS people could sing to me... KAYLA! =)

29.) Dancing little girls twirling around my living room in ballerinas.

30.) God's never-ending grace freeing me from my natural bent to try really hard to live up to some standard that I've made for myself.

Wow! That took longer than I thought it would! I thought it would be easy to come up with 1,000 gifts, but 30 took quite a while. And it's a really long blog post, I know. Most of you are probably not still reading...   Oh well. =)
That's it!
I challenge you to take the time to write a list of things for which you're thankful. It's good practice at being grateful. Practice in contentment and in seeing the world through God's eyes.

Small things

2011-05-26T20:42:00.047-05:00

I just think some things my kids do are adorable. And I want to write them down so I don't forget them...

Like:

-The way Julia says "swimsoop" instead of "swimsuit."

-Ava toddling around calling her sisters "Lula" and "Lylie."

-The way Ethan can make Ava giggle so hard she can barely breathe.

-The way Kylie and Julia giggle right along with her.

-Kylie's guilty little grin when she's done something she knows she shouldn't have.

- Julia tucking her hair behind her ear so carefully.

-Ethan running around in his first baseball uniform.

-Kylie and Julia cuddling while they sleep.

-Kylie's gasps of joy over flowers.

- Julia's little face looking up at me while she hugs my legs.

-Ava laying her head on my shoulder as I carry her to bed.

-Ethan trying to keep his sisters from hurting themselves. He's such a protective big brother!

-Kylie diligently rescuing stranded earthworms and carefully re-locating them to new homes.

- Ava's puckered "kissy face" lips.

Little pictures of life floating around in my head. I hope forever. =)

Freeze!

2011-05-23T15:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a perfectly gorgeous day. And it was Sunday. I love Sundays!
I got up early and made pancakes and eggs for breakfast while listening to my favorite worship music. No one ever picks all the songs I want to sing for church on a Sunday morning (as if it was their responsibility to keep me happy...) So I sang along with my favorites before I left. =)

Then church, lunch at Subway with Tam and Alan, a short drive to a house for sale in Clarks, and then the all important, two-hour Sunday afternoon nap.
No, I did not really get to sleep for two hours. Ava fell asleep in the van and wouldn't go back to sleep. But I put my ear buds in and listened to music so I couldn't hear her playing (in her crib...she was safe and happy!) and slept for a little while at least.

So after supper last night, we had a extra-crabby, exhausted toddler on our hands. A 15 minute nap is not enough for a 16-month old.
In an attempt to keep Ava awake (and because I was crabby that I had to do dishes instead of play outside after my nap), we walked to the park.

Ava's favorite thing to do at the park is swing. I love to swing her because I get to stand back and watch as I push.

I smile as three little girls, two in frilly Easter dresses and one in her pajamas, fling themselves as high into the air as they can go. "Look mommy! My feet are touching the sky!"
I remember touching the sky with my feet as a little girl, my hair blowing in my face and the wind swishing in my ears. I remember the feeling of flying and uncontainable joy.

I laugh with my husband of nine years because we used to come to this park and swing just for fun when we were dating. I've always loved to swing.
And now I never get the chance because all the swings are taken by our laughing kids.

The sun is shining, but small drops of rain splatter my face. And Caleb points out a rainbow. I switch to pushing from the other side of the swing so I don't have to stop looking. I feel as if God says, "Isn't it pretty? I made it because I love you and I know it makes you smile."
Like He painted that rainbow in the sky just to remind me, an average mom with a crazy life, that the God of the universe loves me extravagantly.

The rainbow fades and I turn to face the bright sun disappearing behind dark clouds. They too are beautiful. Wisps of white floating across dark blue, almost black, foaming towers.
Maybe it's going to actually start raining...again.

So we grab our kids, their shoes, Ava's ba-ba, Ethan's scooter and race the clouds home.

Some moments I just want to freeze and relive over and over.

Happy kids playing with their daddy.

Squealing.

Laughing.

Sunshine turning to long shadows.

Rainbows and clouds and raindrops.

Unhurried beauty soaked up by weary, dry souls.

A glimpse of heaven.

And I forgot my camera.

Cooking Adventures with Melody

2011-05-17T15:20:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the first (and possibly only..) episode of Cooking Adventures with Melody! Today I will be showing you how to make Melody's Made-Up Meatballs. Start with any normal meatball recipe. I chose a recipe from my sister-in-law (love you Allie!) that uses six pounds of hamburger. It makes around 200 small meatballs. I freeze most of them for quick meals later.
Here's the recipe:
6 pounds hamburger
3 cups bread crumbs
2/3 cup milk
4 eggs
1/4 cup minced onion
2 Tblspns garlic
1 Tblspns salt
2 Tblspns pepper
I have learned from previous experience that two tablespoons of garlic is WAY too much! At least if you cheat like me and substitute garlic powder. Another tip: Use onion powder too. It saves all that nasty onion chopping. And it saves your ears from listening to your whining children screech, "EWWW!!!! Onions!!!"
Today I have slightly over six pounds of hamburger, so I open the fridge door to grab another egg. That's when I spot the leftover refried beans from supper last night. "Hmmm...cheap, low-fat protein snuck into food the kids actually like." Genius! I dump them in.

Then I spy the leftover oatmeal from breakfast last week. My mom always tells me she puts oatmeal in her meatloaf. Pretty sure she means uncooked oatmeal, but it'll probably turn out about the same... In goes the oatmeal - which I realize as I mix it into the hamburger probably has brown sugar in it. Oh well. A little brown sugar never hurt anybody.
One more trip to the refrigerator, and look! Mashed potatoes! But as I open the lid, "Ewww..." Weird smelling mashed potatoes. Down the garbage disposal they go. Maybe next time.
Next, spend a while mushing all these ingredients together with your bare hands. They might get cold, but the slimy feeling is kinda fun. =)
Then grab your small scooper and start making balls. This takes a long time when you're making 200 meatballs. I hope the kids aren't destroying too many things in the backyard...
Shove a tray in the oven for 30 minutes at 350, and you're done! My suggestion is to throw the first batch in the crockpot with your favorite sauce and supper's finished. Ta da!
Anyone want to come to our house for supper tonight?

Storm Chasers

2011-05-17T09:05:00.002-05:00

It rained here the other day. ALOT. The tornado sirens here went off twice in two days as the sky turned completely black mid-afternoon. While Kylie convinced her sisters to cower in basement in fear of the giant tornado swirling toward them that would probably suck them up just like it did Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz", I stood on the front porch unimpressed at the lack of thunder and lightening and pretty much any storminess at all. Hard rain does not count as a great thunderstorm.
I LOVE to watch thunderstorms.
After Caleb came home and listened to me crab about the lack of cool storms at our house, he made a crazy, spontaneous decision. We got in the van with our girls (Ethan was with Mimi and Poppy) and drove towards the hail, tornado warnings, high winds, and flooded roads. Just for fun. =)
We saw ditches full of rain water with hail piled in little drifts at the edges. Waves blew across freshly planted fields turned lakes. Water roared under bridges usually spanning placid streams.
I wish I could figure out how to upload video from my phone onto this computer. Then I could show you what it looked like. I guess you'll have to use your imaginations...
We stopped at Tam and Alan's long enough to let their soaked dog into the garage and learn about the tornado warning in York headed straight toward us. (By the way, I don't know that there ever were any actual tornadoes. Just lots of warnings.)
Then we drove home. On the way we stopped at Oma's (Caleb's grandma's) house. She lives right across the street from the church where Caleb's grandpa's (Opa's) funeral happened over a year ago. That day seems to have made a huge impression on my girls - Kylie at least. She saw the church and said, "Mommy, is that the church where we went to Opa's...what was it?"
"Funeral," I said.
"Yes, Opa's funeral. That's where I saw Opa in his treasure box."
She thought for a second and then continued, "And when I'm really old like Opa, I'll get to be in my treasure box too." She smiled and moved on. She has such a short attention span. =)
But I was stuck on the treasure box thing. My sister Becca has a treasure box in her room, full of the best things in the world, Kylie is sure. When my kids go to my mom and dad's, the first thing they want to do is go to Becca's room to see the things in the treasure box. What are we going to do without you this summer, Becca?
Who but a child would link the excitement of Becca's treasure box to Opa's body in his own treasure box? Who would think in those terms?
An innocent child. Trusting when she can't see and doesn't understand. Simply trusting that God who loves her and always takes care of her and is always with her knows what He's doing even in death. Life is so uncomplicated from Kylie's perspective. I clutter it up with "Why?"s and "What if?"s and ragings against God for doing things His unfathomable way instead of something I can understand. And she sees "Jesus loves me, this I know" and rests. Comfortable with His treasures in all forms.
I make excuses for myself. "She doesn't understand the finality of death. The sorrow of living without someone who's shared your life. The lonliness. The longing." And I'm right. She doesn't. But Jesus said He treasures faith like a child. How do we cling to simple trust in the midst of the ache of loss?

Messy Messy Messy

2011-05-11T11:38:00.000-05:00

So I have another confession to make. (Which I just realized is exactly the way I started my last post. Be more creative, Melody!)
I am the opposite of a clean freak.
This morning....drum roll... I cleaned our bath tub.
For the first time.
Ever.
Caleb's 80 year old grandma cleaned it before we moved in - just so you know I'm not a complete pig. Thanks Oma! Love you! =)
Now we've lived here since the end of February, so what... 2 1/2 months? And I kept look at my bathtub kinda hoping that Mimi cleaned it the week I was in Bellingham...
Are you interested in hearing my excuse?
Take a look at my bathtub.

Yes, this is AFTER I cleaned it. My normal goal when cleaning a bathtub is to make it white and shiny. Well, as you can see, it's not ever going to be white - or shiny.
And the spots where the surround stuff is coming off and you can see the brown stuff underneath is not my responsibility to fix. (The joys of renting!)
So I've been looking at the tub for the last 2 1/2 months thinking, "I should clean that. But if I do, it won't look any cleaner than it does now, so why should I bother?"
Like I said. Not a clean freak.
Obviously.

Princess watching

2011-04-29T15:38:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make.
I've been watching video and examining pictures of the future king of England marrying his bride all day. Poor Caleb got no breakfast because I was too busy watching them say, "I do."
Sorry, honey!
I'm just fascinated by the whole thing. First of all, I'm a girl, so I'm pretty much fascinated by any wedding. But I can't stop wondering, how do you actually meet a prince and get to be a princes??? Do you plot, plan, and train your whole life in a carefully orchestrated dance intended to put you in the right place at the right time? Or are you just hanging out with friends one day when the prince walks in and the two of you fall instantly in love? What does it feel like to have the eyes of the whole world watching your every move, examining your dress, makeup, and hair? Talk about pressure! Are the grace, poise, and formality the public face of just normal people? What will they do in their family room at 9:00 at night after the kids go to bed?
See, maybe I'm obsessed...
I was thinking, though, that my girls have this dream of being princesses. They put on their princess dresses and sparkle shoes and twirl around our house. I remind them to use their princess manners at the table and help them remember that princesses are always kind and never scream or hit or throw things or kick people. Princesses always sit like ladies when they wear dresses. And they never call people names. I've held up princesses as a high standard.
Kylie has a book called, "Gigi, God's Little Princess" about a little girl who thinks she's a princess and wonders why she hasn't been given any royal jewels. At the end her dad tells her that she's God's princess, that He's the king above all kings, and that girls who belong to Him are all princesses.
So I'm a princess too, right? I'm a girl and I belong to God.
But why is it that I have this desire to be the one in the gorgeous dress on a perfect day in a lavish celebration of the love the prince has for me?
As I fixed the toilet paper roll that Julia messed up this morning, I thought, I bet Kate Middleton (I just realized I have no idea what her last name is now...) never have to do this again - unless she wants to (of course she may never have had to do such things in the first place). As I vacuumed the over-used, VERY ugly carpet on my front porch, I thought, a princess would never even walk on this carpet. When I looked in the mirror at my stained, over sized t-shirt and faded yoga pants, no makeup and frizzy hair, I thought, a princess probably looks better than this just rolling out of bed in the morning.
I don't feel like a princess. At all. My life looks more like Cinderella's before the handsome prince.
So does God really intend for us to be His little princesses? Well, I'm pretty sure the Bible doesn't say anything about princesses at all. But...
The New Living Translation of Ephesians 1:5 says, "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure." God, the most magnificent king of the entire universe, decided long before the world was created that He wanted me as His child. It brought Him joy to go to terrible lengths to pay the penalty of my sin so I could be with Him forever. If I'm the daughter of a king, I'm a princess, right?
God's plan for His daughters (and sons..) here on earth; however, is not to live pampered, glamorous lives of ease and self-gratification. Philippians 2:5-8 says "You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When He appeared in human form, He humbled Himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross."
He is our example of royalty. He is the One we are to imitate.
I have to say, from an earthly perspective, the English royalty version of being a princess looks alot better than Jesus' version.
But look at the eternal perspective.
Keep reading Philippians 2: 9-11. "Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." For all of eternity everything that has ever been created will be busy doing one thing: WORSHIPPING the God who became man and lived a perfect life of giving until exhaustion and sleeping on the ground and doing jobs no one else cared to do. In eternity, we will gain a true understanding of what it means to be royalty in God's eyes.
Will I wait patiently for my King to reveal his eternal perspective to me? Or will I waste my life envying what looks better now?

For Easter

2011-04-23T09:11:00.000-05:00

I've always loved Easter. What little girl doesn't love getting a new Easter dress? And candy (especially chocolate!) is always good. And spring is my absolute favorite time of the year. Flowers start to bloom and birds sing outside my window again.
None of those are the real reason to celebrate Easter, though. In my journey closer to Christ, I've started trying to re-live Easter through the eyes of the people involved in the story that we all mourn and celebrate.
So I spend Friday being Mary as she looks up at her mutilated, humiliated Son dragging Himself up on mangled hands and feet for another gasp of air. And Peter overflowing with grief when he realizes he's done exactly what he thought he was strong enough to never do. I think of the average townspeople who must have wondered what was going on when the temple curtain was torn and the earth shook and people they knew were dead were now walking around Jerusalem. What did the parents tell their children about the Man who had welcomed them to sit and play with Him when they saw him hanging, dying for all to see?
I miss the Tenebrae Service at Faith this year because it gave me a quiet chance to sit and meditate on the death of Jesus and what He did for me. (Not that I ever got to actually sit through an entire service. Last year all three of the girls started screaming during communion...)
Saturday I think about the disciples huddling in their hole, too numb and afraid to move. Jesus was their life. They embraced Him as God. Can God die??? They must've questioned everything. And wondered, "What on earth will we do now?"
And then the JOY of Sunday! Although the Jesus' followers were probably more confused at first. Worship and adoration and fear must've raced through their hearts.
I think many of us live in Saturday. Terrible things happen in this world, to us and those we love and strangers on the other side of the world, and we have no answers. We question God just like the disciples must have. We hide in holes of depression, wondering "Why?"
"Why sickness?"
"Why starvation?"
"Why terror?"
"Why cancer?"
"Why persecution?"
"Why death?"
The only hope for any of these questions is to look to the glory of the resurrection and the HOPE of Jesus' return. Just like the disciples, though, we don't get answers on Saturday.
Just for fun, here's one of my favorite Easter songs. This is by Keith and Kristyn Getty. I love their music! Their words are wonderful, and I love Kristyn's voice. Ok, so it might be partly the accent... =) But pay attention to the words!

And here's another one!

I'd better quit. I have too many songs I love... =)

Enamored

2011-04-14T16:36:00.003-05:00

My girls are enamored with the tulips and daffodils blooming on the south side of our house. Enamored is a fancy word for really, really excited. I so could write "Fancy Nancy" books. Jane O'Connor has stolen my calling in life. If you have girls, read them these books. If you don't have girls, get some, and read them these books. =)

Sorry...I got a little distracted...

Here's Ava "smelling" the flowers. Yes, she's trying to eat them instead. That's how she gives lovies. If you want a really slobbery, open-mouthed, licking kiss, ask Ava for lovies. I just love this picture. Ignore the fact that it's not exactly in focus and there's snot crusted on her nose. It's pretty much perfection. I know I'm biased, but isn't she the cutest thing ever? And again with "smelling" the flowers... My favorite thing about living in this house so far is that someone spent alot of time landscaping this yard. It hasn't been well taken care of for a few years, but hostas, columbines, mystery bushes, rhubarb (?), tulips, daffodils, and a bunch of other stuff I can't name are springing up all over the place. It's like an adventure to walk into the back yard and see what's growing now. On the downside, it's supposed to snow tomorrow. GRRR.... Nebraska weather can be so annoying. I hope all my beautiful plants don't freeze to death!

Moving back (home?)

2011-04-03T20:47:00.007-05:00

We ran out of groceries the other day. It was bound to happen eventually. That meant a trip to Grand Island. I found someone to watch the kids, and off I drove in my minivan. I haven't driven Hwy 30 in a LONG time! The first thing I noticed is that my mother was right. She always made me take what I was SURE was the long way to school because she didn't want me driving on Hwy 30. I thought she was a typical overprotective mother. But she's right. Hwy 30 is a death trap. In the first 10 miles of my trip, I was forced to hit the brakes to avoid oncoming traffic coming at me in my own lane. And I had two giant vehicles fly around me at 70 miles an hour.
Death. Trap.
After I decided to petition my brother-in-law who has some (important, I hope) managerial position in the Nebraska Dept. of Roads for four lanes all the way to Central City, I started looking around me. And random, strange, funny memories hit me from all around.
I remember sitting forever at the Pump and Pantry in Chapman waiting for someone to pick me up. I know exactly where the pay phone is. Highschoolers did not have cell phones 10 years ago.
I remember thinking it was SO embarrassing to have to ride the bus to school. And thinking we were going to die while swerving down a VERY muddy road in that bus. And sitting FOREVER at the YMCA in downtown Grand Island waiting for my dad to come pick me up. If any of you have ever seen how much my dad likes to talk, you know how long I waited.
I remember alot of waiting, I guess.
I remember the guy who worked with me at Arby's and insisted my eyes were "violet". He was probably trying to flirt, but I thought he was crazy.
I drove by the Berean church and remembered sitting in my mom's office, crying, and declaring that she could not make me go back to school. I refused. (I was an emotional junior high girl. And my poor father was my teacher...)
I remembered Brad "proposing" on the basketball court and Mike kicking the soccer ball right into Kiel's face and her falling flat on her back. I remembered the 12 Dancing Princesses (speaking of embarrassing..) and singing Point of Grace songs with Leslie and youth group games with baby food.
I drove past trailer parks and wondered about my Head Start kids whose families I had visited there - and about the new families living there.
I drove past the house we lived in for 6 years - the longest I've lived in any place in my whole life. I remembered sharing a room with three little sisters - and Becca hogging most of the space for her plastic horses. And how Windsong tried to bite me. And jumping on our trampoline to very loud Twila Paris music. "God is in control!" Don't make fun of me... =)
I drove over the creek where my dad almost drowned me and my sister by insisting I could swim across with her on my back. (In his defense, he was a lifeguard who probably could've rescued us if he'd needed to. But I thought I was going to die. Kristi was shoving my head under the water, trying to climb me to get to air.)
I remembered hanging my head out the passenger window of our orange, shag carpet van in a snow storm trying to see the edge of the road and instruct my dad how not to drive off it. And how the van died and I had to walk the last half mile home in my dress shoes.
I drove by the road to Andrea's house and remembered painting her dad's barn one summer. And the running feud I had with her brother over whether the Chapman bar was a bar or a restaurant. It's a bar, Nate! =)
I drove through downtown CC and remembered how I chopped ALL my hair off the afternoon before HS graduation and when I met Adair at the flower shop, he didn't even recognize me.
Then I drove past the tiny house Caleb and I lived in when we were first married. I remembered long walks around those streets.
Band practice. Riding bikes to Dairy Queen. Speech meets. Long walks. Driving in the ditch. Hitch hiking back to the gas station with my dad. Coffee shops and Bible studies. Marla's mom waking us up with silly string.
Ok, that's enough. It's funny what little things I remember. Random corners and buildings trigger small pieces of my life to pop into my head. They're not usually the big things... Just glimpses of my life here and there. Enough to convince you that I was a strange child... =) And to convince me that just maybe I've moved home? Not quite sure about that yet...

Best Friends

2011-04-03T20:34:00.007-05:00

I'm afraid this blog has been rather neglected. Sorry. So many thoughts are swirling around in my heart and mind that I'm not sure where to start sorting them out. Usually I do that by writing, but they're so confused, I'm pretty sure my rambling would be.... BORING!
Plus most of you I'm sure are not interested in the stressed-out, often sad, questionings of an almost 30 year old (yikes!) mother of four.
SO... To get me back in a happy blogging mood, here's a conversation from my day today.
Julia marches up to me in the kitchen (where else would I be?)
"Why do YOU get to be his best friend???" she asks in an indignant voice.
Assuming she's talking about her daddy, I reply, "Because I married him."
"But I don't know how to do that!" she whines.
"You can't. He already married me. You'll have to find somebody else." Reality is harsh, I know...
Just then Kylie walks by. Julia runs over and grabs her hand.
"Let's get married, Kylie!" she says happily and they skip off hand in hand.
Obviously we have some work to do on the whole marriage issue...
Coming next...musings on my drive down Hwy 30 - something I have not done for a VERY long time!

Home Sweet Home

2011-03-06T17:17:00.004-06:00

I know some of you have been waiting for new house pics, so here goes. Disclaimer: At first I thought I'd wait til my house was clean to take pics to show people, but I finally decided that was never going to happen in the forseeable future. So my house is a disaster. Live with it. Moving with four kids (or without...) equals CHAOS! Sorry. =)

The backyard from Ava's bedroom window upstairs.

Kitchen

Dining Room with 5 (yes, including the ceiling) kinds of wallpaper!

Dining Room, Living Room, and sunroom. Again notice the wallpaper. Four more kinds in the living room. And paneling and horrible carpet in the sunroom. =)

Living room from the entryway.

Entryway. Isn't the woodwork pretty?

What you see when you drive up.

So there it is! It's a beautiful old house - with some rather horrible decorating choices. But we're renting, so I'm not doing much about it. It's temporary. And God is giving me humor to look at it and laugh instead of cry. Although when Caleb put the borrowed rugs down in the living room, I chose the latter. The poor man (and Alan) slaved over the wood floors in the dining room so I wouldn't cry over them too. Love you guys! =)

This move has not been easy for me. I'm pretty sure Caleb thinks I'm losing it. I keep crying for no particular reason at random times, and he keeps looking at me like I'm crazy. Hmmm...maybe he's right? Or maybe I'm just an overly emotional woman....

So, in the midst of the chaos and meltdowns, here's the things I am most thankful for in all of this.

1.) A HUGE house! Tam and I cleaned our Lincoln home on Friday, and I seriously have no idea how we all fit in there. We were getting on each other's nerves because we were on top of each other all the time! The kids love to play in their basement playroom here. And the fenced backyard is perfect. And I need MORE FURNITURE! I actually have spaces I don't have furniture for! AMAZING! =)

2.) Family close. Kayla and I took the kids to the park twice last week. Oma dropped by with lemon poppy seed bread. Yum! Becca stopped by for fun and went to the park with us. My mom and dad gave us furniture they weren't using. And Tam and Alan have spent so much time helping us move and clean and unpack. We would not have been able to do this without all of you guys!

3.) Caleb's job. He loves working on tractors and combines. And he likes the guys he works with.

4.) A good church. Although this church doesn't feel like home to me yet, we've been so blessed by welcoming people and solid Biblical teaching.

5.) Friends for the kids. People here have been so kind - inviting the kids over to play. We have neighbors (one of the pastors at the church) with kids almost exactly the same age as our kids. A boy and three girls. Ethan waits every day for Dakota to get home from school so they can play. Ethan and Kylie practically stalk their front door. Sorry JJ and Carol! Please send my kids home if they start to annoy you! =) I've tried to impress the importance of inviting others over to your house instead of inviting yourself over to theirs to the kids. So far it's not working. Apparently last time they went over, they rang the doorbell and announced, "We're here to play!" Nice.

6.) Friends from Lincoln who want to come visit us. Yay! We miss you guys!

7.) So many things being close. We walked to the library, the park, and the grocery store this week. I drove out to my mom and dad's in less than 10 minutes! And grandma - you're next! =) I suppose that balances out the extra hour it takes to get to Super Target now...

Hmmm....that's what I can think of for now. I have alot of thank you notes to write. I'm just so grateful that in the midst of all the chaos and stress, God has proven Himself faithful and gracious and loving. He is our perfect provider. He knows exactly what we need. I'm learning to trust Him more and more through this. That's the point, right?

It's happening

2011-02-18T14:36:00.004-06:00

Well we're doing it. As of sometime next week, we will be moved in to our new house. I'm kinda surprised, actually. I don't know why, but I really never thought we'd live in Central City again. When I was in highschool there, most of my good friends wanted to get as far away from CC as possible. And I was pretty sure I wanted to go with them. And the year we lived there after getting married was pretty much a complete disaster.
Hmmm.... I really didn't know I wanted to move back.
But apparently I am anyway.
I'm not sure I'm really excited, but I'm ok with it.
I'm excited about some stuff. The house is HUGE (maybe big enough to ignore the yellowish/greenish stove and the flowery wallpaper everywhere). It's a perfect location - far from the train tracks and walking distance to all the important things (library, park, pool, church). Family close.
I'm sad to leave Lincoln, though. Our house is way too small for us, but I have happy memories here. And it's really hard to leave our church and move away from friends.
God doesn't always call us to do the easy thing, though. I feel like He led us down this unexpected path. My confidence in Him gives me peace and comfort and hope when I would otherwise be freaking out!
Looking back through the other moves in my life, I'm recognizing a pattern of coping mechanisms I use to deal with things that make me nervous or that I don't really like. I hide in my house, cry, and eat lots of chocolate trying to avoid actually having to say goodbye to anyone. I refuse to make friends in the first place so that when we move, no one will care.
My plans aren't working so great this time. Too late not to make any friends. And on top of that, they want to have going away parties for us. =) No hiding for me.
And I'm realizing that it's good for me to walk through this process. God is reminding me of His faithfulness and His goodness and His love in ways that I would never have needed if I'd spent my time hiding. He is walking with me, holding my hand, and reminding me that I'm being rather pathetic for only moving 90 minutes away. I mean, for all my over-emotionalizing this (yes, I just made that word up...), Lincoln has much better shopping options than Grand Island. We will be driving back and forth. If for no other reason than I love Target! =) Hopefully some of my friends will think the hour and a half drive to CC isn't too terribly far to make every now and then.
And God will provide. New friends. A new church. A new pattern of life. And it will be good, but not perfect. Heaven will be perfect, and I guess that's what I really want. To never deal with separation or distance or fear again. I guess I'll be waiting for that for a while still.

Contrasts

2011-01-21T14:11:00.004-06:00

We welcomed my newest nephew into the world yesterday! Daiven Barrett arrived at 7 1/2 pounds and 20 inches of perfectness. I know...that's probably not a word. But after holding all four of my newborn babies in my arms, I know that their slimy, red, smashed little bodies are the most precious and amazing gifts from God. I'm thousands of miles away from Daiven, but as soon as I knew who he was, I loved him. The second I heard he was a he and not a she, God made a spot in my heart for him. This aunt is longing to hold her tiniest little nephew right now!
I know that instant connection from a mommy's perspective too. The instant you find out there's a microscopic baby growing inside you, you're in love. There might be some panicking involved if the news was unexpected. I've done some of that. But even so, it's amazing how quickly you fall in love with a tiny person you've never met.
By contrast, I read the news this week about the abortion doctor in Pennsylvania who murdered babies and mothers alike in his attempt to promote "women's rights." I swayed between wanting to cry and wanting to throw up as I read the article. I just cannot imagine anyone greeting a baby's arrival into the world so callously and with so much hatred. What kind of seared conscience must a person have to stab scissors into the back of a helpless baby's neck? It hurts me to even write that. How I wish I could have lovingly held those babies for just one minute of their lives so that someone touched them the way a baby deserves to be touched.
What baffles me is that the media does not seem to particularly care. They reported it, but no more than the usual, everyday news. The weather, Miss Nebraska winning the Miss America competition, the new season of American Idol, the shooting in Arizona are all much bigger news. I'm not saying those are bad stories.
But shouldn't someone be OUTRAGED?!?!
Someone should be standing on a street corner crying for all the lost babies dying in such a disgusting place in such a horrific way.
Someone should cry for their mothers who were led by the system and a money-hungry madman to believe that killing their babies was the best option.
Someone should be screaming for prosecution against those in authority who knew something was wrong and shrugged it off, looking the other way.
Someone should be begging God for mercy on a country where innocent lives are thrown away so callously.
Maybe that someone should be me. Maybe you?
I praise God for Daiven's healthy, perfect body and his loving mommy, daddy, brothers, family, and friends who welcomed him with joy! And I thank God for the comfort of knowing that those babies who were loved by no one during their very brief lives on this earth were celebrated into heaven in the arms of Jesus.

Bagging groceries at Super Saver

2011-01-20T15:14:00.003-06:00

I have been an anxious wreck lately.
Bad, I know.
I have quoted every verse about "Be anxious for nothing" and "Do not worry about tomorrow." I have prayed and prayed. And still I find myself walking through a perfectly normal day and then panicking.
Caleb and I are considering moving. Only an hour away from Lincoln - and closer to family. But I do not do change well.
Would you like to hear my history?
The first major change in my life was when my dad decided to move our family to West Africa for a year. I was 7 (old enough to know better) and threw the only meltdown screaming fit I ever remember throwing in my life.
It was pretty pathetic.
That about sums up my feelings about moving.
We moved alot when I was young. I went to a different school every year through 7th grade. Every time we moved, my dad would have everyone vote. Every time he tallied the votes, the results were same.
Seven people say, "Let's go!" and one "No way!"
Guess who?
When I was a sophomore in highschool, my dad had an opportunity to work at an MK school in Thailand. I freaked out. Instead of throwing a hissy fit like before, I calmly told my parents that I would not be going with them to Thailand. I'd live in the dorm at my highschool and live with my grandparents over the summers.
I meant it.
I was not going.
After trying to set me up with some 17 year missionary, motorcyle driving boy in Thailand over the phone, my dad gave up and we stayed in Nebraska.
Ok. So now that I'm almost 30 you'd think I'd have the maturity and faith to handle change calmly and rely on God for strength. And I'm fighting for it. But I seem to vacillate between panicking that the details won't work out for us to move away from Lincoln and panicking that we have to leave Lincoln in the first place.
By the way, this is where it's great to have a husband who is not an emotional wreck. He does not freak out every other minute and reminds me to imitate him. Thanks honey! =)
All this long introduction to get to the point of this story.
I went grocery shopping today.
You thought it was going to be something more interesting, huh?
Just wait a second.
I had a few things to grab, so I ran into Super Saver quick with $34 in my pocket. I really did not want to spent more than that $34. But I kept grabbing a few things here and there that were on sale. And then it was 3:00 and I was hungry, so I grabbed a snack. I got to the checkout and...guess what?....worried.
Surprising, I know.
"I should've paid closer attention to how much I was spending!" I berated myself.
The checkout dude rang everything up and the total was...
...get this...
$33.65
This probably seems really silly to you, but I almost cried right there.
Talk about an emotional wreck...
It was like God spoke directly to my anxious heart.
"See? Look and see what I can do. I care about your grocery money.
I care about your big decisions too.
Will you stop worrying and stressing and running and just look at me?
I can do it.
In My way and My time.
And when it's done, you will know that it was Me all along."
I'm so thankful for a God who speaks to me while I'm bagging my groceries at Super Saver. I'm in awe of his love and grace poured out on my anxious untrusting heart.

Old Testament Superhero?

2011-01-03T08:11:00.003-06:00

I read Genesis 6 again this morning. Once again I was struck by verses 5-6 and 8-9:

"The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that
every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
And the LORD was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and it grieved Him to His heart...
But Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD....
Noah was a righetous man, blameless in his generation.
Noah walked with God."

I'm always floored by the thought that people were so depraved that everything they thought was evil, ALL the time. I like to think that the world around me comes up with some good ideas sometimes. There are alot of good people out there giving their lives for good causes - feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, loving orphans, feeding the homeless. I suppose the people in Noah's day did things that looked good on the outside too. That doesn't seem to be God's standard, though. He says "every intention of the thoughts of his heart". The motives in their hearts were wrong - even if they were doing good things.

This doesn't have anything to do with my point, but God always reminds me of part of his character when I read that He was grieved in His heart. How I'd hate to be the one who grieved God that deeply!

Ok, so Noah's living in a society that made God sorry He'd ever created them. All of them constantly disobeying God all of the time. Sometimes I feel like I live in a society like that, too. Like the powerful people in the world continue to think up one idea after another that goes against everything God says is true.

And then (I love this!) "Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD."

Somehow in the midst of all the evil, Noah alone (well, leading his family) found favor with God.

Everytime I get to this part, I wonder: What did Noah do to find favor in the eyes of God? Did he avoid all the wrong movies and stay away from the bars? Did he only watch decent tv shows and listen to Christian music? Did he walk the streets downtown passing out sandwiches to the homeless people and always treat his kids with patience?

Then I get to the last part of verse nine and I remember: "Noah walked with God."

That's all it takes.

Maybe he did those other things. But the part that made Noah find favor with God was that he walked with God.

Do I walk with God? Matching Him step for step? Sharing my faults and joys? Asking His opinion on the things that come up in my day? Enjoying time with Him?

Enough that when He asks me to spent a majority of my life doing something that looks to be absolutely insane, I obey?

How much time do I spend trying to avoid the evil in the world by conforming to externals like listening to good music and being nice to the poor? I'm not saying those are bad things. But maybe I should make my one, all-consuming goal to walk with God.

I love Psalm 27:4 (my dad's favorite verse):

"One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell
in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the
LORD and to inquire in His temple."

That's how Noah found favor in the eyes of God.

Not by being some kind of Old Testament superhero. By walking with God.

That is my goal for 2011.

A few things...

2010-11-30T10:34:00.004-06:00

1.) Wow! I drank caffeinated coffee this morning! I feel like the insides of me are having a "jump on the bed like a little kid" party. I very rarely EVER drink more than a couple sips of caffeine. I usually drink decaf coffee. Apparently this is why. I think I'm typing much faster than normal. And talking faster. Moving faster. Washing dishes faster. Which brings me to...

2.)My dishwasher is broken. I almost panicked when I realized that Caleb would not be fixing it in 5 minutes so I could wash the huge load of dirty dishes that was crammed into it. Strangely, though, I am enjoying (?) washing dishes by hand.

I can't believe I just said that.

Some days it's the only time I stand still and do one thing and just think. Well, except when Ava's attempting to climb my leg and screaming. But still, it makes me stand still for a while and every now and then I get a chance to think without all the noise that usually surrounds me.

3.)I LOVE diapers.com!!! I ordered a pair of shoes for Ava yesterday afternoon. Twenty five dollar shoes for ten bucks.

And free shipping.

The Fed Ex Man just dropped them off by my front door.

Less than 24 hour shipping- FREE!

How cool is that!

I'm going to buy alot of stuff from there from now on I have decided.

4.)I love free shipping from anywhere actually. I have done almost all my Christmas shopping on-line so far. I hate to pay shipping. I'd rather pay $20 for something and get free shipping than pay $10 for the same thing and have to pay $5 for shipping. There's something wrong with that, but it's how my brain works, I guess.

5.)We FINALLY got a family picture taken this weekend! Hooray! I'm entirely too excited about that! Wanna see?

Ok. You talked me into it...

Caleb had to photoshop the good picture of Ethan into this pic. It's impossible to get a picture of all of us looking the same direction at the same time. But I figure 5 out of 6 is pretty good! =)

6.)I am having a really hard time getting into "the Christmas spirit" this year. Usually I have Christmas music playing (secretly when Caleb's not home) long before Christmas. And as soon as we get home from Thanksgiving, I'm dying to buy a tree and put the decorations up. But this year it just sounds hard. We don't have room for a Christmas tree.... Who needs a bunch of sugar sitting around their house? And I'm tired of turkey. I've been playing Christmas music trying to make myself feel Christmasy... So far it's not working. I think I need to go to church and sing Christmas hymns with everyone else. Surely "O Holy Night" and "Joy to the World" would do the trick.

7.)We're going to look at a house today. An out-in-the-country house.

Great location.

Great potential.

Which is code for - this house is trashed. I don't think it's been mowed in 2 years. The house needs some - ok alot - of love.

But it's cheap! =) Everyone thinks we're nuts for even considering it. We probably are. Maybe I'll take pictures while we're there today and then you can decide for yourselves whether or not we've lost our minds.

Wow.... Apparently caffeine makes me talk alot.

I'll quit now.

Called to the impossible

2010-11-23T21:47:00.003-06:00

A guest speaker at our church last week spoke about Moses. He led us to Exodus where God calls Moses to free His people.
Moses argues.
He feels inadequate.
He wants help.
And then he goes anyway.
He obeys.
The call of God is impossible for him to escape.
So Moses gets to Egypt and begins ordering Pharoah (probably the most powerful man in the world) to "Let my people go." Pharoah doesn't like that so much and makes the Israelite slaves' lives more miserable than they already were. Moses obeys God's impossible call on his life and fails. He goes to God to ask some relevant questions. I imagine Moses' side of the conversation like this:
"Hello! God? Remember me? The guy who was happily married with two kids and a bunch of sheep, living in a tent in the wilderness? You went out of your way to ask me to leave my life and do an impossible job for you. I was a little worried that you hadn't thought the plan through very thoroughly, so I asked you a few questions and You promised to help me out. So here I am, and, well Your genius plan isn't working out so great. Now Pharoah AND Your people that You sent me to deliver hate me. I've made Your people's lives more terrible than they were before. I'm a failure. Are You SURE You know what You're doing??? When are You gonna let me in on plan B?"
And instead of striking Moses with lightening for questioning His plan, it's like God has Moses right where He wants him. God doesn't tell Moses to try harder or give him a better plan to "win friends and influence people." He says:
"Now you shall see what I will do."
"I am the LORD."
"I appeared."
"I also established."
"I have heard."
"I have remembered."
"I am the LORD."
"I will bring you out."
"I will deliver you."
"I will also redeem you."
"I will take you for my people."
"I will be your God."
"I am the LORD your God."
"I will bring you to the land."
"I will give it to you."
"I am the LORD."
Exodus 6:1-8
Getting the point yet?
It's like He's saying, "Hey! Look at Me! You just sit back and watch Me work. I am God. I will do it. By myself. I have promised. You watch and see."
Ever feel like Moses?
"Pretty sure you've given me an IMPOSSIBLE job here, God! Have you noticed? Do you care??"
I feel that way practically every day.
It's so encouraging to me to know that that's exactly where God wants me. Helpless. Utterly dependent on Him and His power.

Here's what I've been thinking...

2010-10-30T20:25:00.005-05:00

As most of you have heard, I'm sure, my mom, dad, two sisters, and two brother-in-laws went on a one week trip to Haiti. They've been back for about three weeks now, I suppose. Sadly enough life has been so incredibly crazy, I've yet to hear a single story or see a single picture. But I got to see the results of being bitten by a disease-carrying mosquito that likes to live in Haiti.
Dengue fever.
Nasty, nasty sickness.
High fevers, intense pain, inability to eat causing severe dehydration.
I spent several days sitting in hospital rooms and trying to help others who were sitting in hospital rooms. I'm sure I've never seen anyone close to me so sick.
And I was very grateful to live in America. We are so blessed to have immediate access to health care here!
My mom went to the hospital severely dehydrated with very low platelet and white blood cell counts. Her doctor was concerned that she would need a platelet infusion. The hospital in Central City had no platelets, so they rushed her to Omaha just in case.
No, "How are you going to pay for this?"
or "I'm sorry. You'll have to wait your turn on the list of patients who need these platelets."
Just, "We will use every resource in our power to save your life."
We take this setup for granted. In fact, we'd be furious if we were not to receive this kind of treatment.
But how many people in the world don't have that luxury. How many people in Haiti die from dengue fever because no one has an IV to give their body essential fluids or Tylenol to keep their temperature down? This is such basic medicine!!!
And then, the cholera outbreak. Cholera is not a hard thing to prevent or treat - If you have access to clean water and basic medical supplies.
Something I take for granted.
Don't you?
The World Health Organization's website says that as of Oct. 27th, 303 people have died in this cholera outbreak in Haiti. I'm used to big numbers, and frankly, 303 doesn't sound like that many people to me. But every one of those people is loved by God. Each one was a mommy, a sister, a daddy, a brother, a friend, a neighbor. Thousands of people are crying themselves to sleep tonight in Haiti because someone they love is gone. And it's so simple to avoid!
I'm afraid it would make me seriously question the character of God to know that my mom was dying of an easily treatable disease and that she simply lives in the wrong place at the wrong time to be privileged enough to receive that treatment.
What kind of weak faith is that?
Believers in Haiti weep for their lost loved ones and their lost livelihoods and their lost homes just as we would in their position. But they do not question their God. He is all they have. And they have peace beyond understanding and indescribable joy in Him.
I'm so thankful to God for the things He has given me. For providing for all my needs and many of my wants. For protecting and healing my family.
But I'd like to think that if He chose not to - for some unknowable reason of His own - I would still love Him. I'd stand firm on the only rock I know will never shake. Jesus Christ. And I would cling to the tiniest thread of trust and faith in Him even when my world seemed to be falling apart around me. And I'd have joy and peace flowing from me because of Him!
I find myself asking God, "I know You're big enough to do such a work in a fairly uninteresting, mostly invisible, stay at home mom in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska?"
"But do you really want to?"
"And how?"
"Why put me here with all my comforts and protections instead of across the world with absolutely nothing but You between me and daily death??"
"Surely with this privilege comes great responsibility, so what do You want from me?"

One little girl

2010-10-14T20:54:00.002-05:00

This is really good! It makes me want to go to Haiti and bring this little girl home.
My husband is reading over my shoulder saying "Yeah right!" right now. =)
But seriously.
How many little girls are there like this in the world who just need one person to love them?
So read it. Let it touch your heart and your actions.

http://thisrooftop.blogspot.com/2010/10/hands-and-feet.html

Please don't leave the worriers behind!

2010-10-13T08:33:00.005-05:00

Everyone's back from Haiti! Yay! I can't wait to hear all the stories and see all the pictures! I know God worked in amazing ways in Haiti. Praise Him for his unceasing work in the lives of people around the world!
While my family was in Haiti last week watching God work, He was speaking to my heart here in Nebraska, too. God reminded me of something.
I am a worrier.
Those of you who know me are saying, "duh!" right about now.
But I surprised myself. You see, we're doing Beth Moore's study of Esther for women's Biblestudy at church right now. On one week's video, Beth spent a lot of time speaking about this very thing. She challenged us to fill out this blank, "If the worst thing I can imagine happens, then ....."
Then I'll lay on the floor in a heap and want to die.
Then what?
I'll never move again.
Then what?
Well, eventually, I will move because God is faithful.
I was totally tracking with her. I thought, "I will trust God in anything because I stand on the unshakable foundation of his faithfulness."
Nice sentiment, huh?
Then four little words shook my unshakable foundation.
"Trouble with his asthma."
"What does that mean?" I panicked. He probably can't breathe - like at all. When he says he's having trouble with his asthma, it means he needs to go to the hospital and is trying to put it off for as long as possible. There's probably no hospital in Haiti. And if there is, they probably don't have the right medicine. They'll probably have to fly him to Miami. And he'll probably die of an asthma attack before he gets there. (Have I ever told you I have a big imagination?)
I'm very good at panicking.
So I freaked my sister out, and she called the "for emergencies only" cell phone to talk to her husband and find out what was really going on. Turns out my dad was not feeling great. But it had nothing to do with his asthma.
Stop panicking Melody!!!
And I felt silly.
All my confident sounding thoughts and words evaporated in that one unexpected moment.
Isn't that how life goes?
You think you have everything under control. Like you're walking with God, and He's helping you deal with your life by His Spirit. And then the unexpected happens and you completely lose it. Your sin nature pops up again when you least expect it.
I learned something valuable.
Next time, I'm going to have to go to Haiti too. No worries if I'm there and can see exactly what's going on, right?
Or, I could learn to give my worrying heart to God and let Him teach me to trust Him. With everything. All the time. Even when my eyes can't see.
Isaiah 26:3-4
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD God is an everlasting rock."

Just in case I feel like laughing at this someday

2010-10-11T20:59:00.002-05:00

This morning before 11:15 Julia (2 1/2) had:

Chewed a crayon and spit it all over Kylie's bed.
Dumped a bowl full of cereal and milk down the kitchen cabinets and all over the kitchen floor.
Dumped the rest of another box of cereal onto the carpet in the living room. (It's 9:00 at night and it's still there. Been a long day...)
Shoved an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet.
Ripped the cover off of a library book.
Crumbled foam from the fire pit box into tiny pieces all over the backyard and ate it. (I can't really blame her for the eating part. She's just taking lessons from her big sister)

Are all two year olds so destructive?

The Heavens Proclaim His Glory

2010-10-11T20:20:00.002-05:00

The Heavens Proclaim His Glory: A Spectacular View of Creation Through the Lens of the
Hubble Telescope is a visually stunning book. I'm not usually one to be attracted to books without a plot, but the pictures on the front cover drew me to this one.
The Heavens Proclaim His Glory was compiled by Lisa Stilwell. She did an impressive job of combining mind boggling photos of the far reaches of space with quotes from a wide array of people.
One quote by Francis Chan pretty much sums up the book: "This is why we are called to worship Him. His art, His handiwork, and His creation all echo the truth that He is glorious."
I would've done one thing differently in this book. I would've made it bigger. The reality of how huge these objects actually are is impossible for me to comprehend. The prints were colorful and clear but seemed inadequately small compared to their size in reality. Of course no book could begin to be big enough to wrap my mind around how immense God's creation really is!
Our Creator God is so amazing! This is the perfect coffee table book to awe you over and over again at the majesty and glory of God.

Outside of Me

2010-10-03T14:54:00.004-05:00

Since our pickup is totally destroyed, Caleb asked the other guy's insurance company to provide him with a rental car - a pickup, actually.
So we are the proud (albeit temporary) new drivers of a 2010, crew cab, Chevy Silverado.
Wow.
Quite a step up from a 1995 pickup or even my beloved 2000 Honda Odyssey. Thinking how convenient it would be to own a pickup that nice, and then briefly wondering how we would afford to pay for a $40,000 vehicle (ha ha ha - we'd have to sell our house and live in our pickup!) made me realize that I think about myself alot.

Way too much.

I mean, how could I possibly even consider driving a brand new car because it has hole to plug my phone/mp3 player into so I can listen to my music. Countless starving children die every day around the world, but we would have dual climate control! It's amazing how easy it is for me to justify money spent on me to make my life easier. Practically every decision I make has to do with guaranteeing the comfort and security of me and my family.
That's why we live where we live, drive what we drive, eat what we eat, shop where we shop, play where we play.
I just read Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and he seriously challenged my basic decision-making process. The reason I do these things should be because God has called me to glorify Him by making His mighty name known to the people living, driving, eating, shopping, and playing around me. Not because I don't want to be stranded on the side of the road with four little kids when my car dies or because I prefer not to take my kids potty in the nasty north Walmart bathrooms. Chan forced me to ask myself, "What do I deserve?"
A relatively new home in the suburbs?
To never be hungry?
To always have the right thing to wear?

Basically the thing I came away with is that I am selfish. I like to be comfortable in my air-conditioning, snacking at the first thought of hunger. I think about myself and meeting my needs ALL the time!
And then I thought: even on my blog, I blab on endlessly about all the crazy or terrible or funny or stressful or fun things that happen to me. When is the last time I blogged about someone besides myself?
So that is my challenge to me.
In general life, to get out of my narrow-minded, self centered existence and think about somebody else.
And in my blog, to share with you things God has laid on my heart for other people. Things God is passionate about and I care about too.
Hold me to it.

An entire book about our weekend =)

2010-09-28T13:12:00.005-05:00

I'm feeling very loved by my Father today. Life has been hectic around here, but Jesus is reminding me again that if I let Him, He can pour out His love on me in the midst of chaos. Today is a good example.

Let me back up.

This has been a very long few days.

Ava has a cold and is teething which equals NO SLEEP for mommy. Last night I was grateful she only woke up three times - MUCH better than the night before when she ended up in our bed because I was too exhausted to get out of it anymore.

Yes, she is nine months old.

And no, before you ask, I can't let her scream endlessly because she's sharing a room with her brother.

And it breaks my heart.

Anyway, I am seriously sleep deprived.

My house is a disaster. My wonderful husband put four new windows on our house this weekend. But he made a MESS! The kitchen did not get cleaned because I've been planting flowers I bought on clearance at Menards while I was supposed to be buying construction supplies. =)

School with Ethan is puttering along. I'm having a hard time spending much time doing book work with him. Pounding metal strips pulled out of old windows into swords and sword fighting with your sisters counts as school, right?

Poor Ava screams constantly. You would too if you had a cold, were shoving four new teeth through your gums, and were on a sleep strike.

And to top it all off, Caleb's pickup is smashed.

Friday night we went to Menards to buy the last windows for our house. Caleb was late getting home from work but had promised to take us out for supper, so we fed our kids supper at Sonic at 7:30.

Kylie had major intestinal issues. Caleb had to pick her up (without shoes) and RUN to the bathroom with her while some poor 15 year old girl was trying to hand me my food. I think she thought I was nuts because I was screaming at Caleb "Kylie's going to poop her pants!!" as she was sweetly saying, "Here's your corndogs."

The girls and I were in the van and Caleb and Ethan drove the pickup, so they got to Menards before us and went inside. I showed up two minutes later - just long enough for the boys to get all the way to the back of the store - and had to call Caleb because Kylie's stomach was cramping again. We needed a bathroom NOW. But both the girls had taken their shoes off and couldn't find them, and I was holding Ava. So Caleb had to come back out of Menards and run Kylie to the bathroom again. Where he found the source of the stomach issues.
She had swallowed a magnet marble.

He heard it clink in the toilet.

We had a long talk about only eating FOOD. A tough concept for a four year old to get, apparently...

Ok, one issue solved. Now that it was almost 9:00, we raced through Menards, grabbed what we need, and headed home.

I was driving down NW 48th street a mile from home talking to Caleb on the phone when I saw his pickup brake lights and heard a giant crash. His pickup went skidding to one side. Luckily I was far enough behind him not to run into him. I yelled at Caleb on the phone, but got no answer - which made me think he was unconsious or something (I've been known to have an overly dramatic imagination...)

I turned onto a side street, jumped out of the van, ordered the girls not to move, and ran over to the pickup.

The first thing I saw was smoke.

So I tried to drag Ethan out of the pickup - which is not easy when he's 50 pounds and I have to lift him up out of the window. He kept yelling, "Mom! I'm fine!" and finally I got out of his way and let him climb out on his own.

Later I learned that the pickup was not in imminent danger of exploding. Apparently airbags smoke when they go off. I wish someone had told me that earlier and saved me some panicking!!!

Anyway, Ethan and Caleb were a little shook up and Ethan's eyebrow was bleeding, but they were fine - as were the other guys in the other car. A 15 year old was driving and turned left right in front of Caleb. I felt kinda bad for him because his dad (the passenger) was screaming at him.

While waiting for the police and a tow truck, guess what? Julia decided she had to go potty - and peed her pants while standing in the van. I grabbed her and dragged her out, but she kept complaining that she wasn't done. So at 9:15 at night with red and blue police lights flashing on us, Julia pooped in the little pink potty (thanks Oma!) on the side of NW 48th street while Kylie munched her corndog and slurped her slushie.

We must have looked like some kinda hillbillies - or at least totally irresponsible parents.

It's half an hour past bedtime and one kid's eating grease and sugar water; the other is naked from the waist down. On top of that, there's a little pile of poop sitting in a pink potty on the curb.

Wow. I should win a mother of the year award for that.

Anyway, all this craziness happened around me and all I could think was how grateful I was. God protected my husband and my son - and the two guys in the other vehicle. So many things could've been different that would've made it much worse.

That's why I'm feeling loved. Because the God of our vast universe cares enough about me and my family to pour out His blessings on us - sinners who don't deserve His notice.

And to remind me again today, my mother-in-law called to ask if she could watch my kids today instead of Friday. So I get a whole unexpected day to myself.

I've done a little bit of cleaning and have a few errands to run. But I'm exhausted, so right now I think I'm going to take a nap.

Oh, one more thing! Because Ethan's scraped eyebrow was listed as an injury on the accident report, we have recieved TONS of mail from lawyers, chiropracters, and car salesmen offering us their services. One on Monday (These lawyers are quick!) and nine more today. I can't believe that people actually think they're entitled to compensation for their "mental and emotional turmoil" because their son has a scraped eyebrow. Come on people!

Winner!

2010-09-20T08:53:00.002-05:00

Wow! So I totally forgot about my t-shirt giveaway.... Sorry! So I randomly picked a number this morning, and Leah! You won! =)
Yay! Wish I had enough for all of you!

Free T-Shirt!!!

2010-09-13T20:21:00.004-05:00

Ted Dekker is doing some unique things to promote Immanuel's Veins. Here's a book trailer video he posted on facebook.
Also Thomas Nelson is giving away free t-shirts! Here's a pic of mine. =)

Ok. It's hard to tell what color this is for sure (and as you can see, I've already stained mine.... Kids). But it's a nice darker grey color with black and red.
Anyway, one of you can win your very own! Rob, this is the part for you!! =) Leave a comment on this post, and I'll randomly pick a winner!

Immanuel's Veins by Ted Dekker

2010-09-13T08:38:00.001-05:00

I’ve come to expect the unusual from Ted Dekker. Immanuel’s Veins is no exception.
Honestly, I’m not sure how to summarize this story – especially in 200 words. You’ll just have to read it. It’s a story full of passion, seduction, evil, blood, romance, and mystery. A warrior loves a forbidden woman. That woman’s hardened, broken heart struggles to find freedom. Many are skillfully tempted, wooed by evil and fall under the control of its power. Only blood saves.
Dekker grates on the nerves of my “good, religious morality”, filling this book with blood drinking demons masquerading as friends. I’ve got to say, I didn’t like the whole vampire thing. But I couldn’t put the book down.
Dekker drives to the heart of the divide between a love relationship with Jesus and religion. Do I live a relationship or a set of rules? Is Jesus my lover, sacrificing Himself to save me? Or is He a remote judge on a throne, balancing my good and bad acts to see if I’m worthy of his love?
Although the setting and characters in the story were a little too “horror story” for me, I ended the book with a fresh view of the love of my Savior, one that left me praising Him.
Isn’t that the point?

Vacation pics!

2010-09-12T19:59:00.001-05:00

Here's a link to the pics I posted on fb of our vacations.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=227774&id=616033247&l=61ec606042
Hope you like them!

2010-09-05T18:12:00.002-05:00

I don't have time to tell you about our Reno trip right now. It's about time to start packing for our trip to the lake. I just couldn't resist sharing this. While we were in Reno, my sister, Rebecca, was enjoying her time dragon fighting and treasure hunting and craft making with our kids. She chronicled one of their adventures on her blog. http://thisrooftop.blogspot.com/2010/09/plastic-funeral.html
Coming next:
-A book review on Ted Dekker's soon to be released book, "Immanuel's Veins" - including a t-shirt giveaway!!!
-Pictures of Lake Tahoe!

Vacation reading list

2010-08-26T21:52:00.008-05:00

Caleb, Ava, and I are leaving Saturday for Reno. We'll be gone for a week. It's a kind of work/vacation thing. Caleb's doing training 8-5, Mon-Fri for work. Corvalis Composite training.

Don't ask me what that means.

Ava and I are going to hang out.

Just so you can see how unrealistic my expectations are, here's the list of what I'm going to get done:
*Catch up on scrapbooking (I'm only 2 years or so behind...)
*Do some just for fun shopping
*Watch "I Love Lucy" reruns
*Work out at the hotel gym
*Take Ava swimming to defeat her new terror of water
*Sightsee around Reno - any ideas anyone?
*Nap =)
*And (the point of this post) read all these books!

I love to read! My problem is, I can't decide which to start first. Ok, I've already started Crazy Love. This is one amazing book that deserves - and will probably get - it's own post eventually. But it's heavy. One chapter at a time is plenty to think about...well, for the rest of my life.

Immanuel's Veins hasn't been released yet, so I kinda want to read it on the plane so people will wonder how I got a book that nobody else can get. =)

As if anyone will notice...

Am I Messing Up my kids? Pretty sure the answer to that is yes. I have also started this one, and it's going to be good. Hopefully I'll know how not to mess up my kids by the time I get home. =)

I'm bought Gilead because of John Piper's recommendation. Oh, and my sister Kristi bought it too. Which means it's probably pretty deep and philosophical and will take concentration. I'm sure it's good, though.

And Becca, my other sister, insists Till We Have Faces is her favorite book. Which means it's probably pretty deep and philosophical and will take concentration.

Why am I not bringing fun, easy to read, Clive Cussler books instead?

A few side notes:

Thank you to Grandma and Grandpa and Kristi and Becca for volunteering (??) to watch Ethan, Kylie, and Julia for the week. They are VERY excited to visit, and I hope they have fun and behave themselves.

Also, I'm very excited to visit Lake Tahoe, which is supposed to be gorgeous!

Pray for safe travel, a content baby who sleeps when she's supposed to (and doesn't wake up at 4:30 am thinking it's morning), effective training for Caleb, and a happy week for the other kids. Thanks! =)

My new favorite music

2010-08-23T09:53:00.003-05:00

I heard Starfield's new song "The Saving One" playing on the radio not long ago, and I LOVED it! They sound great, and their words are amazing. They take you straight to the presence of Jesus.
What drives me nuts about radio, however, is that they play the same song over and over again until no one can stand it anymore. This is such a shame because Starfield's album has nine other great songs that no one ever hears.
When Caleb found "Absolutely" on youtube, I gave in and downloaded the whole cd on itunes. And I've listened to nothing else since.
Here's a link to my favorite song "Absolutely".
Ok, or maybe this one is my favorite: "No Other Savior"
Pay attention to these words:

Absolutely
Lover of my soul
I want to tell You
Only You have all of me
I cannot contain
My adoration
I’m in love so desperately
No one is as lovely as You are
And there is no one else Who has my heart

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with You

Down upon my knees
I’m lost in worship
Humbled by Your majesty
What is there to say
But how I love You
Thank You for forgiving me

All I am is Yours
Only Yours

No Other Saviour
Lord of every age
Author of our faith
The first, the last, the same
The name above all names
Crowned in majesty
Glorious Prince of Peace
Throned at God’s right hand
The world at His command
The world at His command

Jesus, Lamb of God
How great You are
There is no other Saviour
Every knee bows down
At Your renown
There is no other Saviour

Merciful High Priest
Lover of the least
Generous and meek
Protector of the weak
Sacrificed to death
For us, Your final breath
You died, the world to save
To overcome the grave
To overcome the grave

You will reign forever
You reign forever

You musical geniuses out there (Becca and Kristi...) may not be impressed with their sound - even though I am =), but you can't get better lyrics than those.

Coming next: My new favorite book! =)

Adventures at the zoo

2010-08-06T14:57:00.004-05:00

Tam (Caleb's mom) and I took the kids to the Omaha zoo the other day. It was a little crazy. We didn't get there til 4:30.
Partly because we're slow at getting four kids and their snacks and drinks and strollers and sunscreen out of the house.
Partly because we needed iced lattes for energy.
Partly because we got just past the 72nd street exit in Omaha before Kylie saw fit to announce that she had brought no shoes.
Yes, we drove around Omaha and Papillion for half an hour trying to find a place to buy shoes. I really need a GPS that talks apparently.
Then I could've said, "Where's a shoe store?"
And the lovely Australian accented GPS dude would've said, "Turn right NOW!!"
But I can now tell you that if you ever need anything on your way to the zoo, there is a giant Super Walmart five minutes south of the interstate on 72nd street. Oh, if she had only told me BEFORE that exit.
Oh well. After a few moments of frustration, we had a wonderful time at the zoo. It was a beautiful evening, and the zoo was open late for members' day. So we enjoyed the Lied Jungle, butterflies and insects, the desert dome, and the Kingdoms of the Night virtually on our own. And the kids were still happy when we left.
That's the beauty of a year pass to the zoo. We saw a few things and left happy instead of trying to kill ourselves to "get our money's worth" by looking at every last creature in the zoo and leaving exhausted and CRABBY!
Anyway, here's the part you're looking forward to - the PICTURES! =)

I think this one is my favorite! It's totally an action shot - not everyone's looking at the camera, but they're all having so much fun with their Mimi! =)

Ok, this bridge thing still freaks me out a little - especially when my kids are dangling by a few (rather thick) threads with nothing but air underneath them.

Day One

2010-08-03T16:06:00.002-05:00

Well, yesterday was day one of homeschool. I know. I swore I would not homeschool this fall. Never say never.
School actually went pretty well. My biggest problem is keeping Julia from destroying things while I teach Ethan. I made a school basket with fun stuff for her and Kylie to do while I do school with Ethan. But she had a little too much fun. She dumped half dry, crumbly play-doh all over the carpet. Pulled the outside off an ear of corn and scattered sticky strings all over the house. Cut paper into tiny pieces and dropped them all over the floor. Tried to stick the glue in the pencil sharpener. Scattered magnetic letters all over everywhere. That kinda stuff. I think I could have a full time job just cleaning up after Julia. Two year olds are alot of work.
Anyway, after two hours, I called Caleb and told him I couldn't do it. Why am I bothering? Practically everyone I meet thinks I'm crazy to do what I'm doing. It would be SO EASY to send them to the nice, new public school a half a mile down the street. They haven't even started yet. I could get Ethan and Kylie signed up and send them to school in two weeks. Wow! Grocery shopping with only two kids! I could probably go to the gym and work out. And nap time! Julia and Ava take long naps!!! I daydreamed.
I'm still not sure why, but today was day two, and I got up and did it again. And other than spilling the same glass of milk twice at breakfast this morning, Julia didn't make too many messes.
I have to keep quoting my verse.
2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed"

Max Lucado's Cast of Characters

2010-08-03T15:40:00.002-05:00

Salvation is by grace alone through faith in Christ Jesus alone.
All my hope is based on this statement of trust. But I like to add “Melody’s list of ways to be a perfect person and a good Christian” to my belief in the hopes that God maybe will like me a little more. And I end up discouraged and frustrated and exhausted because I’m just not that great at being good.
If you feel this way, read Max Lucado’s Cast of Characters: Common People in the Hands of an Uncommon God. Lucado brings to life different Bible characters – from Paul to Mephibosheth – to remind us that God doesn’t use perfect people. Instead He takes sinners and changes history through them – in spite of their failures.
So maybe, just maybe, He could use me too. With all my failures and imperfections. Even though I’m nobody special.
I love this book. I always enjoy Lucado’s style. What grabbed me about this book is that the Bible doesn’t give many details sometimes. But Lucado took a few straightforward words and made me feel them, live them. Suddenly the people in the Bible are people that could live next door instead of words on a page.
Anyone want to borrow my copy? =)
I wrote this review as part of Thomas Nelson's booksneeze.com book review blogger program.

Starve selfishness?

2010-07-27T20:01:00.004-05:00

Foot washing is hard. I don't know why I should be surprised by that statement. I mean, did Jesus call us to do anything that comes naturally to our sinful natures? Maybe I just always thought of Jesus washing His disciples' feet and thought how noble and self sacrificing that must have been. And I thought in my own life I could do humiliating tasks (like toilet cleaning and diaper changing) and call my imitation of Christ done.
That's good enough, I figured. I've done the job everyone hates to do for the day, so I'm off the hook. I think I'll watch some TV or buy myself that dress I've been wanting. Maybe I'll read a good book or get a pedicure. Surely I should get to do something just for me. Everyone else does.
Selfishness is the language of our culture.
I speak it fluently.
Jesus spent His lifetime here on earth foot washing in a wider sense. He gave and gave. He prayed instead of slept, and then, exhausted, He gave some more. He healed. He taught. He listened. He provided. He nourished. He did all these and more without complaint, without ceasing. Do you think He ever got tired of giving? If He ever wanted just one person to understand His load and carry part of it for Him? Like the time He came off the Mount of Transfiguration after revealing His heavenly glory to three of His disciples only to find that the rest of them couldn't even heal one demon possessed boy. Did He think, "You guys can't just do one thing right for yourselves."
How many times have I thought (and said) that?
Instead of behaving like Jesus, I often let my selfishness dictate my thoughts and attitudes. I inwardly seethe.
"He gets to fulfill his dreams while I sit here listening to his kids scream."
"Why can't they just give me one minute to read the rest of my chapter before I feed them again?"
Then, when I serve because I must, it is not from a heart overflowing with love and praise to God, but from a heart full of anger.
I become a martyr.
"I always have to do everything around here," I stomp.
The question is: is there value in purposely giving up my desires and serving even when my heart attitude isn't right? In a way, that's what some monks or nuns do. They purposely give up desires that are not evil in and of themselves to train themselves to think less selfishly and more about God. But is there value in that sacrifice if it does not come from a joyful heart? Do I serve unwillingly and then receive joy? Or do I do small things that bring me pleasure in an attempt to fulfill some of my desires so that my selfishness doesn't rear it's ugly head out of continual frustration?
Can I starve selfishness?

"Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

Whatcha think?

2010-07-25T17:05:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I've changed a few things on my blog - in case you haven't noticed. =) I need some feedback. I'm not sure I love it. Maybe we should look at it as a work in progress...
Also, I made my blog stop posting itself automatically to facebook. I'm just not really sure that I want all 192 (yes, I had to look that up) people I've befriended on fb reading everything I write on here. It seems like if you want to look that deeply into my heart, you should have to at least go out of your way far enough to come to my real blog. Does that make any sense?
So I'm sorry if you love reading me on facebook. I think if you could make a good argument in favor of posting it there, you might find me easy to convince. I'm just not sure right now...

Perfect love?

2010-07-16T17:42:00.006-05:00

Love is scary. It's dangerous. It totally freaks me out. Anyone I let into my heart has the potential to stomp all over it. What really terrifies me is loving someone who's hurt me in the past - who has demonstrated the ability (perhaps without even knowing they're doing it) to take the love I offer, wad it up, and throw it in the trash - like I watched a guy do to a "friendly" note from a scary weird girl stalking him in highschool.
I wonder if everyone is so nervous. It might just be me. Maybe I was scarred by early "friendship" experiences. Maybe I'm just incredibly overly sensitive.
Or maybe I just don't like to be vulnerable.
I was holding my tiny, beautiful, only neice the other day thinking. Isn't it incredible that the things we love the most are also the cause of the most fear in us? That precious little girl has the ability to break hearts. I went home and held my little girl and thought, "I love this little girl too much to express. And she holds this terrible power over me. Power to destroy my heart."
We don't fear for what we don't love. The reason I fear for my kids' and huband's safety is because I love them. Fear of losing or hurting them paralyzes me at times. And fear of their reactions guides my behavior. I don't care if the stranger in the grocery store dislikes the way I'm dressed, but if my husband says I look scary, I change quickly!
Yet I John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear." So if I love people perfectly I will not fear them or for them? How do I get this perfect love? Is anyone giving it out? Because it seems like love is given based on performance by most everyone. How do I give out this perfect love to my kids? Do I assume others are giving it to me, or do I panic when I do something wrong - afraid they'll withold love based on my "bad" actions?
I have more questions than answers. I started thinking about this because I read my uncle's blog. He wrote this post and several following up. He has more answers than I do, so maybe we should all go over there and try to glean some wisdom. =)

Amazing grace

2010-07-06T22:15:00.004-05:00

Do you ever have days where you feel like you're losing your mind?
Where everything seems to go wrong?
Where you want to quit whatever it is you do, take your favorite book and hide in a story until you forget how chaotic your life is?
I had one of those days.
Spilled juice.
Frozen bread.
NO stroller in the back of the van.
Forgot the sunscreen. (Yay for friends who remember thiers!)
Parking ticket. (Who knew it's illegal to park on the left side of the road?)
Forgot to put the sunscreen on me.
Sleepy kids.
Sleepy mommy.
Broken glass.
Spilled water.
Kylie tries to feed a bottle to a sleeping Ava.
A screaming baby who wakes up a still sleepy Julia.
Mommy loses her temper.
Serious screaming.
Destroyed house.
Daddy out flying til 11:00 at night.
Movie, anyone?
Can it be bedtime now?
Tomorrow will be better, right?

Sometimes I feel like the worst mother ever. I was in Sams on Friday. I took all four kids grocery shopping. I know, not the best idea. But a person has to have food, and Caleb's busy. So there I was in the frozen food aisle trying to grab a bag of frozen strawberries. I was applauding myself on my good mothering skills. "The kids are going to love the smoothies I make with these! Healthy and yummy!"
Pride goes before a fall.
I turn around to see this older woman glance at me contemptuously, annoyance written clearly on her face. I wonder why. Can't she see the healthy food I'm buying for my kids. Hmmm.... my kids. I suppose that's them spinning my giant-sized cart loaded with groceries and babies around and around like a top in the middle of the aisle.
Mommy lost it again.
My brain frantically searched for the most terrible threat I could think of that was safe enough to not get me reported to Child Protective Services if overheard.
I cling to.....what do I cling to? What do I have to cover these gaping holes in my mommy skills?
I hear a faint whisper:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9)
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed." (2 Cor. 9:8)
My lifeline.
My only hope.

Me? Brave?

2010-07-02T16:35:00.003-05:00

Courageous.
Brave.
Strong.
Fearless.
Stubborn.
Sounds like words to describe a Navy Seal or a Marine - not me.
Those of you who know me know that I'm more afraid than courageous. I'm scared of heights, snakes, deep water, spiders, heights, too many people, sharp tools, scary movies (Jurassic Park counts!), fast-moving vehicles, did I say being more than about 4 feet off the ground? And I'm definitely not strong. Look at my skinny stick arms.
I'm learning that it takes these qualities to be a good mom, though. And I'm seeing the first faint glimmers of them in my actions and attitudes.
It takes courage to say no to a two year old when you know you'll have to listen to half an hour of screaming afterwards.
You have to be strong to push 3 kids and $109 worth of groceries through Sam's while carrying a screaming, wiggly 18 pound baby. (Guess what I did this morning?)
You have to be able to let go of fear when your almost seven year old son decides to go tree climbing.
You have to be able to fight for the things that are important - like, "No name calling!" and "Don't pick your nose in public."
"You have to flush the toilet AND wash your hands."
And "Pull your dress down so your underwear doesn't show."
You had better be more stubborn than your strong-willed two year old.
You have to be brave enough to kill the giant spider without looking so freaked out that your kids are terrified of spiders for the rest of their lives - or start bringing you every spider they find just to listen to you scream.
I never thought of Joshua 1:9 as a mommy verse before.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

And the winner is????

2010-06-28T20:40:00.002-05:00

Stephanie!!!!

Congrats! You won my very first book giveaway! =) I hope you love The Heart Mender as much as I did! Will I see you anytime soon? If not, I'll be happy to mail it to you if you send me your address - a message on facebook if you don't want it here for the whole world to see. Not that that many people pay attention to comments on my blog, but I suppose you never know...
Yay for free books! It's almost as fun to give them away as it is to get them! =)

Book Giveaway! =)

2010-06-24T13:26:00.003-05:00

So, if after reading my review of The Heart Mender, you're interested in having your very own, free copy, this is where you let me know.
All you have to do is leave a comment letting me know you'd like to enter my giveaway. Make sure you leave an email address or some way that I can contact you if you win. Monday I'll pick a winner with a random number generator (Thanks Stephanie and Becky!), and some lucky person's book will be on it's way!
This is fun, don't ya think? =)

"The Heart Mender" by Andy Andrews

2010-06-23T14:12:00.002-05:00

The summary of Andy Andrews’ book, “The Heart Mender” intrigued me immediately. German submarines sinking ships in the Gulf of Mexico during WW2? I’m fascinated by WW2 history, but I’d never heard anything about Nazis so close to American soil. I was hooked.
Helen Mason’s husband is dead, killed on a volunteer mission training English pilots. Josef Landermann contemplates suicide while unwillingly serving aboard a U-boat in the Gulf of Mexico. Helen and Josef choose between clinging to their anger or forgiving when their lives are thrown together.
Probably my favorite character in this book, Danny, is a 20-something year old man with Downs Syndrome. Danny has such unique insight into the hearts of the people around him. And the people in his life respect his wisdom and talent. Andrews clearly displayed Danny through God’s eyes – as a man created in the image of God.
The other thing I loved in this book was the distinction between Germans and Nazis. Josef is a German history teacher who loves his family and hates Hitler. Yet he was sinking American merchant ships for Hitler's army. Why? He had no choice.
This book would be fascinating fiction, but is it? You’ll have to read to find out! =)

I wrote this review as part of Thomas Nelson's booksneeze.com book review blogger program.

2010-06-23T08:38:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I feel a little silly. I practically ordered you all to tell me what great fun you have reading my ramblings. I must've been in a weird mood yesterday....
Anyway, before the rest of you feel obligated to say something nice to me, I've decided to give away "The Heart Mender" book to someone who actually wants to read it. No, you don't have to be the first to say nice things about me.... It's a fiction (?) book about German u-boats in the Gulf of Mexico during World War 2. Personally I like to think of it as a true story. Anyway, as soon as I get the review done (hopefully during naptime this afternoon!), you can decide if you'd like to read it or not... And then I'll have to come up with some way to decide which one of you gets it. I wish I had enough for all of you! =)
On a totally unrelated note... You should see what I made myself for my birthday! Peanut butter cup cheesecake with brownie crust and Reese's and LOTS of chocolate. You can find the recipe here http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/desserts/peanut-butter-cup-brownie-bottom-cheesecake/ I haven't actually tried it yet because I didn't get it made til too late last night. But I am really excited! If you live close to Lincoln, you might have to make up an excuse to come visit me. =)

Shameless self-promotion =)

2010-06-22T15:50:00.005-05:00

Yay to Uncle Chip for being the first (and so far only...hint..hint..) person to admit they're following my blog!!! I'm particularly impressed by this because Uncle Chip, you are smart. Like, really, really smart. So to think that I would say anything that you would consider worth your time to read is...well, an ego boost. Of course, you could just read it to laugh at the crazy ramblings of your niece, but I can pretend... =)
And for all you other people out there who read this, get with the program! I know most of you only read this on facebook, but this is a blog actually. Here's a link so you can see my pretty background or template or whatever you call it. And the great pic of my man and our kids Easter egg hunting.

http://calebandmelodysfamily.blogspot.com/

Ok, here's your incentive. The last time my book review blogger people sent me a book, "The Heart Mender" by Andy Andrews, they sent TWO - one for me to give away on my blog. Aren't you excited??? So, I just finished reading it. I haven't written the review yet, and I don't want to give anything away. But you should be excited.
I haven't quite decided how to pick who gets it yet. (Suggestions?) Maybe I'll make you guess my favorite number or favorite ice cream or something. Maybe I'll just give it to Uncle Chip for being the very first one to follow my blog. =)
Anyway, I'll have to think about it. But I think I'll only let people who admit they follow my blog have a chance at it. Bribery, I know. Being a mommy for almost 7 years has taught me a few valuable things.

2010-06-09T08:04:00.003-05:00

Just in case I re-read my last blog post someday and decide I was whining about how terrible my life it, I've decided to make sure I remember the things I love about being mommy. Although days can be long and hectic, I can't imagine investing my life in anything else.

One of my favorite things to do is rock my baby to sleep. Julia let me rock her to sleep forever - until she was almost 2. But Ava's being less cooperative. Every once in a while, though, she gives up while I'm holding her. I love feeling her little hands stop grabbing at things and start running over my hands softly. Her little body relaxes against mine, and I just want to freeze that moment forever. Funny how I was in such a rush to get Ethan to go to sleep on his own in his crib. I wish I had just held him more.

Kids overflow with joy and awe at things that I would miss if they weren't there to point it out to me.
"Look, mommy! A butterfly!"
"What a beautiful pink flower!"
"Hey! There's a kitty!"
They remind me to get out of my narrow, "I'm in a hurry to do this and move on to the next thing" mindset and live.

Maybe this is just the teacher in me, but I love to watch my kids learn something new. The sense of accomplishement on their faces as they learn to crawl, walk, talk, or read delights me.

God has used this season of my life to teach me so many things about myself and Him. I've learned that His grace covers my impatience, quick temper, and failure to listen. He has taught me so much about what real love looks like and how He feels when His people just don't get it. I am learning to rely on Him for strength every minute of every day and to come to Him with my "impossible" problems. He gives me supernatural patience, joy, energy, and love for the unlovely when I abide in Him.

These are not things that will look good on a resume someday. The world doesn't value many of these qualities highly. To some it may look like I'm wasting my life - my potential. And even though some days it's tempting, I continually choose not to see my life that way. I know that the things God does in me today are the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see - not only in my life but in the lives of my kids. What could be better than that?

Now that I've written these nice things about being a mommy, time to put them into practice. My girls are screaming happily and woke up Ava.... Time to stop rambling and move.

Who am I?

2010-06-06T18:59:00.004-05:00

I was feeding Ava today thinking. One of these days, before I know it, I'm going to be babyless. Then diaperless, binkyless, sippy-cupless, napless, --I know I'm making up words left and right, but it's my blog, not a research paper! ;)-- and eventually kidless. Most of the things that absolutely consume my every waking moment right now (and some sleeping ones, too) will be over soon.
And I wonder, who am I without all these things? I define myself as "mommy". But what happens when all my kids need from me is an occassional text message? Who will I be then? It scares me that I don't know who I am.
Someone asked me recently what my hobbies are. I'm supposed to have hobbies? Things I do for fun? I think grocery shopping without four kids is fun. My hobbies are making the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich and pushing a two-year old on the swing just high enough to make her feel like a big girl but not too high to be scary. What happens when those hobbies are worthless? When no one needs or wants them anymore?
I can just see me at a job interview:
"What makes you qualified for this job?"
"Well, sir, I can kiss all your owies and they'll magically heal. I can read "Green Eggs and Ham" 300 times in a row with exactly the same voices every time. And to top it all off, I can bathe a baby, talk on the phone, wipe bottoms, and clean the tile floor all at the same time!"
So, just to make me feel better, here's a list of things I like to do that have nothing to do with kids.
~Read! I love to read just about anything I can get my hands on. (Do they pay people to do that?)
~Write! If you haven't learned that by my endless ramblings here...
~Go on evening walks.
~Bake! I love to make sweet (chocolate anyone?) things especially. =)
~I liked scrapbooking before I got so hopelessly behind that it became terribly discouraging.
~Music! I seroiusly sing all the time. Even now I just turn the music up louder and sing over the chaos.
Hmmmm.... That's all I can think of.
Of course since I started writing this I've managed to keep Ava awake for an extra half hour so she won't (hopefully!) wake up at 4:50 in the morning, bathed Julia and put her jammy dress on, and kept updated on Caleb's latest project. So my mind may not be focusing very well.

3,000 days!!!

2010-06-02T17:07:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, June 1, 2010 was my 3,000th day of marriage. That's right. Caleb and I have spent 3,000 days as husband and wife. And we celebrated! Caleb took the day off work, Tam watched the kids (even Ava!) and we went to Grand Island. We learned something valuable.
There is nothing to do in Grand Island.
We went to Walmart and bought diapers. We almost bought m&m's so we could count 3,000 of them to see how many that really is. But we didn't really want to spend $20 on m$m's - let alone eat them all afterwards.
3,000 m&m's is ALOT of candy!
So we bought polkadots instead - and we're pretending there's 3,000 of them - even though I'm too lazy to actually count.
Our day was a good representation of our marriage. We didn't do anything exciting or extraordinary, but we had FUN together.
That's the best part about marriage. Most of our days are ordinary, mundane, 8-5 at work, diaper changing, bathroom cleaning, kid raising days. But we enjoy each other's company. We share ideas. We laugh together at frilly pink ruffles and silly kid conversations. We've built a life together.
It's work. It's not always fun or easy. But it's the best thing I've ever done.

My kids

2010-05-29T21:04:00.002-05:00

I was rocking Ava to sleep tonight, and I asked myself a random question.
"Describe each of your kids in one word."
So, here goes. I'm sure you won't be as interested in this as I will be in 5 years when I read it again. But I've gotta write it somewhere. =)
Ethan: Energetic!
Kylie: Flamboyant!
Julia: Sensitive
Ava: Content

Ok, now I have to write a little more than one word. You really think I could manage to stop that quickly?

Ethan: Energetic! He goes all the time! The exausting part is he wants me to go with him.
"Mommy, can we play a game?"
"Mommy, can we go for a bike ride?"
"Mommy, can we go to the library today?"
"Mommy, can we read a book?"
"Mommy, can we go to the park?"
"Mommy, can we listen to Odyssey?"
He wiggles, karate chops, kicks his feet, wrestles, jumps, climbs, shoots, and sword-fights CONSTANTLY!
I need to hire an energetic highschool boy just to entertain Ethan. Anyone know a bored kid who'd love to get paid in homemade chocolate chip cookies?

Kylie: Flamboyant! If Kylie was a flower, she'd be one of those great big, hot pink, tropical ones. She throws herself into every moment, enjoying it completely. She dances and twirls her way through life and makes sure that everyone notices her. She actually keeps up with Ethan most of the time. As girly as she is, she fights dragons and monsters right alongside him.

Julia: Sensitive. Julia's my cuddler. She'll walk up and give me a big hug and kiss and say, "I need you to cuddle me, mommy." She always notices when someone is hurting. All her owies are a BIG deal. She also screams - ALOT. Every time anyone so much as looks at her cross-eyed, she screams for all she's worth. She gets upset often because no one could possibly treat her sensitively enough not to hurt her feelings. I have NO idea where she got that from..... =)

Ava: Content. Ava's happy anywhere. She plays and watches and makes very little noise - at least not that can be heard above the din of the other three. =) She waits to eat until I have time to feed her, content to suck her binky. She falls asleep in her crib by herself. She SMILES all the time. Three things she really dislikes: anything but a dry diaper, being left in a room by herself, and baby food.

"He cares for you."

2010-05-20T07:14:00.002-05:00

I was reading 1Peter 5 this morning, and something clicked in my brain that had never connected before.
Here's 1Peter 5:5b-7.

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

I paid too much attention to the verse breaks every other time I read these verses. So in my mind I thought, "Ok, I should be humble. And I should bring my anxiety to God and leave it there." Two separate actions.
But this time, God showed me something. Anxiety is a direct result of pride. When I'm anxious it's because I want my life to go the way I have planned. I'm worried about how to work my life out the way I want it. I think it's my job to figure out how to make things work out for my good.
I.
Me.
My.
Pride just pours out of all these statements. I exalt myself to a position I have no right to hold when I think I get to pick how my life goes. When I worry, it's just a manifestation of me holding on to my life much too tightly.
So I always knew I had a tendancy to be an anxious person, but I'll have to add prideful to the list now. So now I can be anxious about the fact that I'm a prideful person.... =)
Maybe what I really need is verse 7, "casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
Thank you Jesus for taking my anxiety when I am willing to pry my fingers off of it. And thank you for caring for me, a sinner in desperate need of Your grace!

My little wormie baby

2010-05-14T11:38:00.004-05:00

Ok, first off, I should tell you that you have to sing that title to a certain song which I have in my head but cannot for the life of me remember what it's called. It just doesn't sound right if you read it, though, so make one up. =)
Now. Check this out.

In case you didn't get that, here's a better angle.

Yes, that would be my GIRLS with worms. Not gummy worms. Earthworms. And yes, they're on a plate - which I will never use for food again.
Kylie loves earthworms. She calls them her babies. She fills up her purse with dirt and worms and carries them around. In this picture she was trying to feed them. She is very sure they eat leaves (or in this case, maple tree helicopters) like caterpillars. Eating dirt is gross, she says.
(And carrying around earthworms and dirt in your purse isn't?!?!?)
She has converted Julia into a worm-loving girl, too, as you can see.

I was a scaredy cat when I was little. Ask Rob or Becca. But I tolerated earth worms and daddy-long legs. Sometimes if I was feeling particularly brave I let them crawl on me. But NEVER, EVER did I carry them in my purse or try to feed them. I did not cuddle them next to my face either. I'm very sure.
What kind of girls am I raising?
I have made one solid rule. Wormie babies do not belong in mommy's house!! =)

Lessons learned in the fabric department....

2010-05-13T11:29:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago Tam (my mother-in-law) and I took all four kids to Hobby Lobby. I know. We're a little crazy, but we were feeling brave. We'd been waiting to pick material for Tam to make the girls quilts FOREVER. More specifically, we'd been waiting for someone to be able to watch the kids so we could go on our own.
We gave up.
So there we were in the Hobby Lobby fabric department with two carts and four energetic children. I wish you could've seen it.
"Oh Mimi! I LOVE this one!" Kylie raved over every inch of pink material she could find. Of course, just looking wasn't enough. She yanked fabric off and tried to unwrap it and drape it around her body to see if it would twirl.
And Julia pulled the pokies (pins) out of fabric at every opportunity, as if on a mission to save the fabric from being injured.
On top of that, indecisive me pulled practically every bolt of fabric off the shelves, rearranging them to see which ones would go together the best.
After 10 minutes of this, we had DESTROYED the fabric section. Fabric was piled in lopsided stacks everywhere as I contemplated and rearranged them once again.
The poor woman who worked in the fabric section looked at us in dismay which quickly turned to annoyance. She was a rather gruff looking older woman, and I could just see the thoughts swirling in her mind.
"Why can't that woman teach her kids to keep their hands off my material?"
"And why can't she put just one bolt back where it belongs?" (In my defense, I was trying to do this, but hopelessly failing, I'm sure.)
In my head she became a crabby old woman who would gripe at her co-workers for weeks about my poor treatment of her meticulously maintained fabric department. My goal was to decide exactly what I wanted, put everything back as best I could, and RUN out of the section before she lost it and yelled at me.
I FINALLY picked what I wanted, and we went to get it cut. And Tam took over. In two minutes, she had that "crabby old lady" smiling and chatting. She told the woman she liked her shirt and asked if she'd made it herself. When the woman said yes, Tam told her what a failure her last shirt-making effort had been. Suddenly, the woman was smiling! Laughing! Talking to my "annoying" kids! I stood back with my mouth hanging open.
"Wow! She is good!" I thought.
You see, Tam took the time to see how the woman was feeling and challenged herself to help her feel better. She wanted to make her smile and talk. She wanted to be friends.
I wanted to run before she killed me.
I wish I was more like Tam. I wish I saw the hurting people of the world and tried to help them instead of avoiding them or stereotyping them in my head.
Something to work on...

The Ants are Invading!!!

2010-04-08T14:53:00.002-05:00

Twice every year it happens. When they didn't show up last fall, I thought they must've given up or...something.
I was wrong.
My tiny black friends are back.
Kylie thinks they're friends. She catches them, feeds them, and lets them crawl on her arms.
Julia screams "Bug! Bug!" and runs away.
And I kill them by the thousands.
I have become a very experienced ant exterminator. My best weapon? The dishwasher. Simply let the chocolate milk and apple juice drip from the plastic cups on the top rack and wait til supper time. Open the door and, ta-da!, thousands of ants merrily giving themselves major sugar highs, oblivious to the danger. Finish filling the dishwasher, dump in soap, close the door, and push two small buttons. Rejoice that it is so easy to kill so many tiny little creatures with no dangerous chemicals. And if you need to get rid of some frustration, smash all the escaping ants running out the steam vent they climbed into in the first place. Only problem: tiny ant body parts plastered to the inside of my cups. Hmmm... Rewash?

I've learned some valuable lessons:
-Ants can crawl into the tiny holes of a sippy cup, through the plastic thing that makes them not spill and have a apple juice pool party.
-Ants LOVE ham. Eat ham for Easter, drop a piece on the floor, and take a two hour nap. See how many you can attract.
-Ants also love monster cookies. This was the last straw! Don't mess with my chocolate!
Here's my dilemma. I need to kill enough ants to keep them out of my food. But I can't kill them all because the termite guy said the termites weren't in our house because they were having underground battles with the ants and the ants were winning. I'd rather fight over my chocolate with ants than have termites eating my walls. So I need a (dangerous-chemical free) way to kill my sugar-stealing invaders without letting in the termites or poisoning my children.
Ideas?

Jane Austen by Peter Leithart

2010-04-08T14:34:00.002-05:00

I love Jane Austen. Books. Movies. I’m not picky. So when given the opportunity to review a book about her life, I was excited! Jane Austen by Peter Leithart is an extremely detailed biography of Jane’s life from childhood through death. I enjoyed reading her letters, written in the same style as her books.
Although I learned many facts about Jane, I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed. Maybe I’m not so much a fanatic about Jane Austen as I am about her books. Leithart wrote in college-essay type prose, crafting a book filled with information. I would loved to have learned about Jane in a more lighthearted way. I was overwhelmed with dates, names, times, and places that are unfamiliar to me. I had a hard time keeping them straight.
Also, the description of the book led me to believe that the emphasis was on how Jane’s faith influenced her writing. I found very little about this subject in the book.
If you’re looking for a thorough, intellectual account of Jane Austen’s life, read this book. You’ll gain insight into the influences that shaped her life and writing. If you are looking for a lighthearted reading, stick to Pride and Prejudice.
I wrote this review as part of Thomas Nelson’s booksneeze.com book review blogger program.

Filthy but happy

2010-04-01T18:45:00.000-05:00

It's SPRING!!!! =)

Swimming lessons

2010-04-01T15:31:00.004-05:00

If you need a laugh, just come visit me on Wednesday night. Ethan and Kylie started swimming lessons last night, and I spent 40 minutes watching while feeding Ava. Wow! Funny! Who knew swimming lessons could be so entertaining.
Kylie was in a group of 5 girls - all who seemed to share Kylie's fun-loving, talkative personality. Their teacher - get this - was a 19 (?) year old boy! Ha ha! =) He spent the entire time saying things like, "That's nice. Now we're going to try this." And, "Come back this way please." I wish you could've seen it. Those little girls swarmed around him chatting and laughing in constant motion. They flopped and spun like uncoordinated underwater ballerinas. He wiped his eyes and grinned this small little grin that seemed to say, "Thank God this only lasts 40 minutes." What else was the poor man supposed to do with countleess Mommy (and even Grandma) eyes on him. If I had an 18 year old sister....
Ok, then Ethan was in a group of five boys. Boys are so different. They had a college aged girl teaching them. And they wanted to prove thier manliness. At one point, their teacher asked them to jump in to her and then she would help them swim out to a marker, turn around, and swim back to the side. So the first little boy jumped in to the teacher, she put her arms under him, and he swam to the marker. He clung to it for dear life for a second. They he took off back towards the side with her arms under him again. Then it was Ethan's turn. He's SO independant! I could just see him thinking, "Well, I can do THAT myself." He jumped in past the teacher, almost all the way to the marker and then turned around by himself and raced back to the side. The teacher was still wiping water out of her eyes as he climbed back to the edge. And it was ON. Those little boys jumped as far and swam as fast as they could. Although, I have to say, I didn't see any go as far or as fast as Ethan. Ok, I might be a little biased. =)
TOO FUNNY!!! I can't wait for next week.

Unconnected thoughts

2010-03-16T08:46:00.003-05:00

Here's a few random thoughts.
-I had the stomach flu last week and watched multiple re-runs of "The Dick Van Dyke Show" on Netflix. I love old TV! While laughing over hilarious, if improbable, scenarios, I was struck by how Laura treats her husband. She is sensitive to his needs - trying to arrange her words and actions to portray respect for him and his position in their home. She stays home to take care of him and their son and doesn't pursue work outside the home even though she is talented enough to get a good job. To alot of people today, that seems like she's not making full use of her abilities. It seems she'd be bored or resentful or uninteresting or lazy. Most women today long for "it all". They want a happy home life like Laura AND a fufilling career. But Laura is happy at home. She finds worth and value there. She's educated and interesting and talented, but she enjoys being a successful mother, wife, and home maker. And her husband and son appreciate it. Hmmmm...

-I've been reading the gospels some in my devotions, and I've been struck by the number of times Jesus goes off by Himself to be alone. He repeatedly leaves his disciples and tries to get away. And they repeatedly act like my 2 year old and track him down ruthlessly. They're constantly interrupting his alone time. Somehow it comforts me to know that Jesus knows how I feel when I get up early to do devotions and end up holding a baby with a two year old and a four year old climbing on me noisily within 5 minutes. Or how I feel when I lock myself in the bathroom for two minutes of peace and end up listening to three little people pound on the door screaming, "MOMMY!!!"

-I love snow, and I don't mind cool weather. But I REALLY need some sunshine! I know that I'll be glad for all the snow and rain in July when it stops, but really, could we get just a day or two here and there of sunshine and warm weather? I am going nuts in this house - mostly because my kids are going nuts in this house! Could I get some warning? If next winter's going to be like this, we need to buy a bigger house or something.
Ok, so I just looked at the weather. It's supposed to be 65 and mostly sunny on Thursday!!! Then I looked at Friday. 43 and a 70% chance of rain. Saturday? 37 with a chance of snow. Come on!!!

2010-03-10T10:10:00.003-06:00

I quite homeschooling yesterday. My house was (ok, is) a mess. The girls were screaming. I had a MILLION other things to do. And I was trying to teach review math (no new, difficult concepts) to an extremely unmotivated 6 year old who was answering questions wrong on purpose because he thought it was funny. So I quit. I put the stuff away and told him he'd have to go to school in the fall. I don't care where. But I am not Superwoman. I can't homeschool an elementary student, give a preschooler, a toddler, and an infant everything they need, cook healthy, cheap meals (which means making alot of stuff from scratch), do endless piles of laundry, keep my house clean and organized, and be available for my husband when he needs me. It's too much. Something has to give because I feel like I'm losing my mind. Ok. I'm complaining. Probably not the best way to handle my frustration, but I do have a point. =)
Here goes. This is what I read in "My Utmost for His Highest" today:

"We are not meant to be illuminated versions, but the common stuff of ordinary life exhibiting the marvel of the grace of God. Drudgery is the touchstone of character. The great hindrance of spiritual life is that we will look for big things to do. "Jesus took a towel...and began to wash the disciples' feet."...Learn to live in the domain of drudgery by the power of God...The tiniest detail in which I obey has all the omnipotent power of the grace of God behind it. If I do my duty, not for duty's sake, but because I believe God is engineering my circumstances, then at the very point of my obedience the whole superb grace of God is mine through atonement."

This is Chambers' thought for the day taken from I Peter 1:3-8.

"Seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualitites are your and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

This is encouraging to me. First it gives me a list to guide what to consider important in my personal growth and in guiding my kids. Apply diligence in faith to grow in moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. Those are the things I should be focusing on. And then it reminded me that the drudgery of life (changing diapers, washing dishes, folding laundry, scrubbing the toilet) is of worth in God's eyes - even if in no one else's. The world does not put a high value on what I do every day. In fact they degrade it. But it is what God has called me to do for now, and in obeying His calling, I bring Him glory.
I still have no idea what to do with Ethan for school, but I feel less frustrated at least. =)

Julia's 2!!!

2010-02-20T14:27:00.002-06:00

Wow! I can't believe it's been two years since Julia was tiny like Ava. I don't know how she grew so big so fast! I keep looking at Ava and wishing she would stay tiny a while longer, but at the rate she's growing, that won't be happening. =)
Julia is such a joy to have in our home. She's sweet and funny and cuddly. She worries when others are hurt or sad and loves to comfort them. She's constantly bringing me "babies" (little nothings cupped in the palm of her hand) with owies and asking me to kiss them. The she cuddles them next to her face and gives them lovies until they feel better. She copies Kylie constantly. She wants to be just like her big sister. And she's talking ALL the time just like Ethan was at that age. "I don't like that!" "That too loud!" "Kylie owie me" "You no do that me." Yes, she's pretty bossy.
Julia loves to wear her "nina" - a ballerina skirt or dress. It has to be pink and it has to twirl. And once she finds one, that is ALL she'll wear. She screams otherwise.
That brings me to the loud Julia. She has been known to wake up crabby and scream virtually all day over everything - like she did yesterday. She was the crabbiest birthday girl I've ever met. She even screamed while we sang her "Happy Birthday". She likes to tell me she wants something, and then when I give it to her, she throws it and screams bloody murder. I have no idea why, but she's been doing it since she was born. Crabby child. Actually, she's determined and emotional - a dangerous combination.
She knows all about Jesus living in heaven. She loves to point to the ceiling and say, "Jesus. Heaven." And she walks around singing the sweetest little songs that I can't understand most of the time. But I hear the words "Jesus" and "God" alot, so I think she's singing praises to Him. I need to video it, because it's the sweetest thing. =)
I always wanted a little boy who looked just like his daddy. But I guess I'll have to be good with Julia. She reminds me of her daddy so often! It makes me smile. =)
I pray that Julia keeps her innocent sweetness and her joy for life. I pray that she stays compassionate towards those around her and that she learns to control her temper. I pray that she grows in love for Jesus.
Happy birthday, my little girl!

"Tithing" by Douglas Leblanc

2010-02-16T15:28:00.002-06:00

I saw the title of this book, and thought, "I can always use a challenge to be less selfish and more generous with my money right?"
"Tithing" didn't quite meet my expectations, however. It is a journalistic account of 11 people's lives and their views on tithing - not necessarily being generous, but the notion of giving 10%. These people range from a peace activist to a widely - read Christian author to an Orthodox Jew. So while all of the advice is "good" morally speaking, only some of it is from a Biblical perspective. And some of the Biblical advice is very legalistic.
The author writes in a journalistic style that is disjointed at times. He spent more time telling me about people's lives than about their views on tithing. He throws out names, places, and dates quickly with very little context. This confused me.
However, Leblanc did manage to get across a few good challenges. My favorite quote was from Randy Alcorn.

“If you take the standard of 10 percent and say God required it of the poorest people in Old Testament Israel, and now that we’re under the grace of Jesus and we have the indwelling Holy Spirit and we live in this incredibly affluent culture, do you think he would expect less of us?”

I wrote this review as part of Thomas Nelson's book review blogger program. Learn more at booksneeze.com

Things I've learned after 6 1/2 years and 4 kids

2010-02-09T09:50:00.003-06:00

~You can't MAKE a two year old go potty in the big-girl potty.
~NEVER try to do shoe or clothes shopping with kids.
~Force your firstborn to be a perfect, calm child, and maybe the rest will follow his example. =)
~If you want your kids' clothes to match when they're in elementary, DO NOT let them pick their own clothes when they're 2 or 3!
~Be prepared for virtually every meal you slave over in the kitchen to be disliked (vocally!) by someone.
~Try not to arrive anywhere exciting after bedtime. The kids will NOT go back to sleep for hours - even if it is 3:00 in the morning.
~Bribery works.
~Two toilets, a toy room, and a big backyard are necessities.
~So are pink "ninas", sparkle shoes, sticks, various small pieces of scrap metal, and fruit snacks and animal crackers.
~Homeschooling a six year old while being a mommy to a preschooler, a toddler, and an infant is hard.
~Never allow anyone to scream EVEN ONCE, even in fun!!! This is VERY important if you want to be able to hear when you're 40.
~Try to find kids vitamins that are all the same color.
~When you're pregnant with your first baby, buy the nicest stuff you can afford. The crib, stroller, swing, carseats, and changing table will be used over and over forever. You will appreciate that these things still work by your fourth baby!
~Scrapbooking is fun, but you will get hopelessly behind when trying to stay current in 5 scrapbooks at once.
~You will be late everywhere.
~Expensive toys are overrated. They either break or the kids get tired of them in a week. They'd rather play with the box or a rock anyway.
~It's important to try to stay in control of yourself. If you lose it, your kids will too.
~Books with flaps ALWAYS get ruined first.
~Never buy clothes your child doesn't like because you think they're cute. She won't wear jeans even if they do have pink sparkly butterflies on them.
~PRAY!!! Constantly.

Verses for 2010

2010-01-26T10:48:00.002-06:00

Here are a couple verses that I've been thinking would be good goals for 2010.

I Peter 4:11
"Whoever speaks is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen!"

Psalms 104:33-34
"I will sing to the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being. Let my meditation be pleasing to Him; As for me, I shall be glad in the LORD."

I found a song to go with this verse - "Making Melody" by Matt Redman. I downloaded it from itunes just because of the name. =)

"i'm making melody in my heart to you
i'm making melody in my heart to you
pouring out your praise with everything within
i'm making melody in my heart to you
i'm making melody in my heart to you
yours will always be the song i love to sing

how can hearts not love your name?
how can souls not sing your praise?
Jesus you put music in my soul"

I can't find it on youtube, but if you go to grooveshark.com, you should be able to search for and find it.

"The Language of Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

2010-01-18T13:11:00.003-06:00

The Language of Love and Respect is Dr. Eggerichs' follow-up book to Love and Respect. Eggerichs bases his books on Ephesians 5 where wives are commanded to respect their husbands and husbands are commanded to love their wives. The Language of Love and Respect is packed with practical ways for us to live out these commands on a daily basis.
As a wife not particularly gifted in the area of communication, I loved the “how to” part of this book. The author goes so far as to write sentences for me to say to my husband to convey what I'm feeling. It's also good for me to be reminded that my husband is not my enemy. He simply communicates in a completely different way - like a man!
My favorite part of this book was the last section about the Rewarded Cycle. Eggerichs reminds us that we are commanded by God to respect our husbands or love our wives regardless of their response. In obedience to God I must respect my husband when I don’t feel like it, when I think he doesn’t deserve it, and when I see no immediate response.
This book gives solid, Bible-saturated marriage advice in a practical way without condemning anyone – even those who feel like they are failing. I highly recommend it!
I reviewed this book as part of Thomas Nelson's book review blogger program. To learn more, go to booksneeze.com.

Joyful uncertainty

2010-01-13T17:09:00.003-06:00

I'm a planner. I like to know what's going on when, so I can get used to the idea. If Caleb calls at 5:00 to tell me he'll be at work til 9:00, I'll probably get upset. I had already planned a nice supper and evening with my husband, and the last minute notice that he won't be there throws me off. On the flip side, I love to dream about fun things like vacations and family get-togethers. I think about them for weeks (ok, months) ahead of time.
It's probably no surprise then that at the beginning of a new year, I like to think about what I'd like to accomplish this year. I usually write a list of goals for the year. Goals for my kids. Goals for my marriage. Spiritual goals. Some show up every year: Get back in shape (again). Catch up on my scrapbooking.
So when I was reading my daily "My Utmost for His Highest" excerpt the other morning, I paid attention when it started out, "Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing."
Who, me? =) It continues:
"Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means to be uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. . . . Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy."
I have no idea what 2010 will bring for our family. We will have lots of opportunities and decisions no doubt. I pray that God will grant us wisdom and direct our paths into His ways. I have great peace knowing that God knows what is in store for us this year. And I am excited to relax and live in "spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy." Or try anyway....

2010-01-12T13:42:00.003-06:00

I know... It's been a long time. It's been kinda busy around here. Let me update you.
On December 9th, we welcomed Ava Claire to the world. She was in a hurry to get here in the middle of a blizzard. Driving through snowdrifts while in labor is not fun! We were very grateful for Caleb's four wheel drive pickup - without which I doubt we would've made it to the hospital at all. We could've been on the news: "Woman delivers baby girl in snowdrift!" I was also very grateful to my friend Niki who drove across town at 4:00 in the morning to stay with our kids. Without her, Ava would've been born at home. Ava was born at 5:26 am on Dec. 9th. She weighed 8 lbs. 7 oz. and was 20 inches long. She was in such a rush that they didn't have time to formally admit me to the hospital or give me an IV. The doctor missed her delivery by about 30 seconds. She certainly made life interesting for a couple of hours. But she's here and she's perfect. Getting used to life with a newborn again has been interesting. But the kids love her and as long as I hold her so they can't hurt her (Kylie and Julia mob her every time I put her down), we're good! =)

I can't believe she's one month old already! I wish she'd stay tiny a little bit longer!

Then it was Christmas time. We got to spend Christmas at home with just the six of us this year. It was great fun! We ventured across town for the Christmas Eve service in the middle of a blizzard and were entirely snowed in for Christmas Day. It's so rare for us to get an entire day at home with just us, so I loved Christmas! And my husband bought me a beautiful wool coat, which was fun too! =)

This is Caleb, Ethan, and Kylie with the Magic Rocks.

The day after Christmas, Caleb's grandpa died. It was actually a blessing for him because he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and dreaded the thought of hospice. But his passing has been hard on the rest of the family. So we spent that week with Caleb's family remembering Opa and celebrating a new year all at the same time.

The kids and the guys sledding at Tam and Alan's. Brrr!

And this last week, Rob and Christina came to visit from New Orleans. I think they about froze to death! The highs were below zero - freezing even for Nebraskans! Rob bravely drove us to Central City in the dark in the middle of a blizzard. It's pretty scary to drive when you can't see where you're going and there are invisible drifts you can barely drive through everywhere. But Christina got to go sledding for the first time. And we got to celebrate Christmas with the whole Johnson family together at once! There's 19 of us now! Wow! It was pretty crazy, but lots of fun. I'm so blessed to have such a loving, wonderful family.

The mommies with their hungry babies!

And that's about it. Now back to school with Ethan and some sort of routine. I suppose I'll have to start cooking and cleaning again one of these days. But for now, I think I'm going to take a nap...

Sad day....

2009-11-23T13:19:00.002-06:00

Since Saturday, Julia has learned two new things that I was hoping she'd wait to learn 'til spring at least - maybe never. She can now climb out of her crib AND open doors. I knew I wasn't going to be getting much sleep after mid-December anyway, but now I may never get any again. How do you make a not even 2 year old stay in bed so mommy can sleep? It's funny because when Ethan learned to do things like this, we were so excited and proud! "What a smart little boy he is!" we thought. Now we dread the day when our kids learn things like this - admittedly mostly for selfish reasons. A person has to sleep sometime! I hear someone playing with a door now... Yay for naptime?

"Fearless" by Max Lucado

2009-10-31T15:33:00.004-05:00

I’m afraid of heights, snakes, spiders, the dark, the bus stop on the corner down the street, water deeper than I can touch, and countless (I’m sure) other things. So when I saw the title of this book, I decided it was for me.
Lucado spends this book attacking the roots of our biggest fears – fear of not mattering, of failure, of death, of violence. He clearly and engagingly dispels these fears with truth from Jesus’ life and words while on earth. Fearless is short on practical strategies for overcoming fear of spiders. But it abounds with Christ-centered truth, reminding us that true fearlessness lies in keeping our eyes focused on Jesus – the calmer of the storm, the raiser of the dead, the healer of the blind and lame.
I needed to hear this message. Our world is driven by fear: Get the H1N1 vaccine! Take the government’s bailout money! Don’t let your kids walk down the street alone! How many daily decisions do I make based not on God’s truth but on my fear? Fearless artfully asks this question in a casual, fun, never preachy style that makes it enjoyable to read.

I wrote this review as part of Thomas Nelson's book review blogger program.

Uninterrupted Conversation?

2009-10-28T13:26:00.004-05:00

While talking to my sister on the phone, she repeatedly tells me I should write down all the random things I say while trying to have a normal, adult conversation. She thinks it would be hilarious. So here goes.

-"Julia! Get off the piano!"
-"Ethan, stop torturing your sister!"
-"Kylie, no screaming!"
-"No! That's hot!"
-"Kylie, stop writing on your arm!"
-"Julia! Get off the counter before you kill yourself!"
-"Ethan, make your bed like I told you to!"
-"No you may not eat cookies right now."
-"Julia's doing WHAT???"
-"That's nice Ethan, but I'm trying to talk on the phone right now." (after he's been talking for 5 minutes without caring that I'm obviously not listening.)
-"Ethan, will you please help Julia off the table?"
-"Kylie, stop eating crayons!"
-"Go outside!"
-The sign that I've finally given up: "Yes Ethan, please start a movie."

I'm pretty sure I can fit all these into a 15 minute phone conversation - and probably more. These are just the ones I hear myself saying most often - or that I remember saying most recently anyway. So, if you'd like to have my undivided attention, call at nap time. Of course, I might be sleeping... =)

Christmas music

2009-10-20T16:36:00.003-05:00

We have a strict rule in our house. No Christmas music 'til after Thanksgiving. Caleb hates it when the stores start putting out Christmas stuff in September. He thinks it ruins Christmas - by the time it gets here, we're all sick of it.
Well, I'm breaking the rule this year. Chris Tomlin released a Christmas CD, "Glory in the Highest", and I couldn't resist. I downloaded it from iTunes. I'm listening to it right now. I love it! I just won't play it when Caleb's home for a while. =)

"Green" by Ted Dekker

2009-10-19T08:37:00.002-05:00

Thomas Hunter has spent his life world-hopping, leading followers of Elyon in two realities towards the Great Romance, battling absolute evil. Now his world is shattered. Teeleh, evil incarnate, is savoring his impending victory. Thomas desperately searches both worlds for the key to victory, only to fail repeatedly. Will Elyon intervene?
Ted Dekker has again written a riveting, complex novel. It’s deeper than basic good versus evil, posing questions such as: Should Christians turn the other cheek instead of fighting back? And why doesn’t God make Himself visible to a world desperate for physical proof?
Although Green is marketed as the end or the beginning of The Circle series, I would have preferred it to just be the end. I didn’t love the ending that tied it back to the beginning of the series. I wanted the perfect “happy ending” - although that unpredictability is what draws me back to Dekker’s books. I also am not a huge fan of Dekker’s graphic depictions of evil – some of which I could’ve done without in this book.
That being said, I don’t own many books because I don’t consider most worth reading more than once. But I own The Circle Series – now including Green. Green is too good to put down. I highly recommend reading it – along with the rest of the series.

Book Review Blogging

2009-10-19T08:23:00.002-05:00

I know usually my blog is full of random and (if you agree with my sister) hilarious stories about what goes through my head most of the time. But I heard about this program Thomas Nelson publishers does. Basically they send you a free book (you get to pick which one!) if you agree to write a 200 word review about it on your blog and post your review to one consumer site such as amazon.com or christianbook.com. I heard the "free book" part and was sold! And since I "review" every book I read to my poor husband who probably couldn't care less but listens very patiently anyway, I figured it would make him happy too. Besides, if I can get books I would've bought otherwise for free, it's saving him money! =) So, what follows is my first book review for Thomas Nelson. It's about Green by Ted Dekker - a book I've been dying to read and told Caleb he was going to have to buy me for Christmas. Does that make my review biased because I already assumed I was going to love it?
If you want to be a book review blogger too, you can learn more about it at http://brb.thomasnelson.com/.

Imagination

2009-09-24T13:26:00.005-05:00

I'm 29 weeks pregnant as of yesterday, and we still don't know whether this baby is a boy or a girl. Caleb thinks it's fun this way. He likes surprises. I like to plan. It's kinda driving me nuts, but I actually thought I was handling it pretty well. And then last night I caught myself thinking this:
About a month ago I turned my favorite, soft, WHITE sheets bright pink. Something about red rags from the garage being in the bottom of the washing machine when I put the sheets in. Kylie loved the new color. Caleb found another pillowcase for men's retreat. I decided a person doesn't really LOOK at their sheets, and they were still really soft. So we've been sleeping on pink sheets. Then yesterday Caleb ripped a gigantic hole in them with his pinky finger while making the bed. How? Best guess: One of the kids poked something sharp into the sheet making a hole and Caleb's pinky caught it. I have no idea in other words. So I stripped the pink sheets off the bed and put my back-up, matched the quilt we had when we got married, not so soft, blue sheets on the bed. Kylie was very disappointed. She simply could not understand why a person (a girl!) would replace pink sheets with blue ones. Now here's my thought. I decided it's a sign about our baby. We have been having girls (the pink sheets), but they're ripped now, and this time it's a boy (thus the blue sheets). I think my imagination may be working over time. Can I blame that on pregnancy hormones?

Speaking of imagination. This is something entirely unrelated that I read the other day.

"Is your imagination stayed on God or is it starved? The starvation
of the imagination is one of the most fruitful sources of exhaustion and sapping
in a worker's life. If you have never used your imagination to put
yourself before God, begin to do it now. Imagination is the greatest gift
God has given us and it ought to be devoted entirely to Him."
Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest"

This is based on Isaiah 26:3. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose
imagination is stayed on Thee." (I don't know what version he used because
NAS says "mind" instead of "imagination"). Anyway, I thought this was interesting. God wants even what goes on when I'm imagining random things in my mind. Caleb always says I have a big imagination. But I never thought of God wanting something from that imagination before - namely that it bring glory and praise to Him. I always thought my imagination was something strange that went on inside of my head for no particular reason or purpose - almost like I couldn't control or guide it. But, I should be placing myself before Jesus and the throne of God in my imagination and not waste my time imagining other things. Hmmmm...

I'm gonna have to learn how to do that...

2009-09-21T12:59:00.004-05:00

Caleb's mom came and spent three entire days last week helping me clean my house. I mean really, really clean. Like, the bathroom fan got cleaned - which didn't even happen when we moved in three years ago. Tam is an absolutely amazing cleaner. I'm not. I'm still not sure what exactly I did in those three days. I wiped down baseboard trim and scrubbed crayon off the wall while she painted the girl's bedroom with Kilz (that stuff smells nasty!). She washed every window in the house. I took a nap. I painted the trim in the girl's room; she rolled all the walls and had to paint around the ceiling because it made me dizzy to hold my arms above my head. I napped and when I woke up my bathroom was clean! I talked to her while she washed windows. I did manage to clean all the kitchen cabinets inside and out. She cleaned my oven and the inside of my microwave. She moved furniture so we could clean the carpet. I took a nap while she cleaned the carpet. I mopped the kitchen floor.
Somehow when it was all done we were both exhausted. She had a right to be, and I told myself that growing a baby is like running up a mountain when I'm just sitting still - right? I've decided I'm going to have to learn how to clean like that someday before she gets too old to help me. =) It won't look so good if I make my 80 year old mother-in-law come help me clean when I'm 50 years old...
The kids came home Wednesday night practically asleep. Thursday they tracked mud on the tile floor. Julia dumped a bucket of sand/dirt in the middle of the living room carpet and smeared snot on the screen door. I tripped on a pair of Mr. Potato Head glasses walking to bed last night. But I know every remote corner, window, wall, closet, and ceiling in this house is clean. Thanks Tam!
I should also thank my mom and dad who took three kids with colds for three days. Apparently Julia screamed at her the whole time. Funny, she does that to me too... It's a stage, right?

This afternoon

2009-09-08T18:33:00.004-05:00

-I did not get a nap because Kylie got out of bed to tell me she had to go potty and woke Julia up.

-Ethan and I did science and history while Julia climbed on my kitchen countertops, screaming for a pencil (which she eats) because Kylie had one.

-I sorted, washed, dried, and folded, and put away enormous stacks of laundry.

-I thought the girls were playing nicely in the bedroom. I found them. Kylie was in the baby swing dumping baby powder on a washcloth, and Julia was holding the bottle of baby lotion, pushing her, and singing, "Swing, Swing, Swing, Swing"

-I read "Shiloh". Yes, the entire book in about an hour. It's about a mistreated dog and a boy who falls in love with him. I had to read it to make sure it's ok to read to Ethan. We're good!

-Ethan pestered his sisters while Kylie and Julia screamed. He also talked endlessly about absolutely nothing and made multiple unecessary noises at the supper table. Boys!

-The guys at work were bored and replied to my texts to Caleb without telling me it wasn't him. Like I said about boys!

-Kylie and Julia threw ashes from the firepit all over my patio and themselves.

-The kids took at bath at 6:30.

-I made beef and noodles for supper. When Ethan saw it, he said it looked like rubber.

-Caleb did not come home. He went straight to his chiropractor's appointment after work. Then had an hour and a half to kill on the other side of town before choir/ worship team practice tonight. So he ate out by himself, in the quiet, with no screaming. Life is not fair.

-My back hurts because I spaced off my chiropractor's appointment last Friday. And I have to drag all three kids to my glucose drinking, 27 week prenatal checkup tomorrow because I forgot about it too - and therefore forgot to find somebody to watch my kids.

-We are watching a movie until bedtime tonight.

Sorry. I'm sure you did not want to listen to me complain, but it makes me feel better to write it down. This is one of those days I'm supposed to treasure when my kids are older and I'm home alone in a nice, quiet, clean house, right?

-As I write this I'm looking out the window at Ethan spraying the gutters with a hose (he's supposed to be cleaning the ashes on the patio). The water is heading straight for the kids' OPEN bedroom windows. I should probably stop writing and do something about this now....

I think God is trying to see if I REALLY believe what I wrote in the previous post.

2009-09-02T14:30:00.003-05:00

I used to think my mom was crazy. I know. That's a weird way to start a blog, but let me explain. When I was 8, my family moved to Senegal, West Africa as missionaries. My mom always said her verse for that year was Psalm 16:6. "The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me."
Now I may have been 8, but I thought I was pretty smart, and I could not figure out what was so pleasant or beautiful about Africa. My parents took six kids ages 2-8 and 13 (not sure on that number, but it was some odd number in the teens) bright red trunks holding all our belongings for a year (I'd like to see you - or me for that matter - try that!) half way around the world to Fanda, Senegal - A little village in the middle of nowhere. Our house was concrete block with a tin roof and screened windows. We had electricity for a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours at night. She boiled all water before drinking or cooking with it. No hot water for showers. No washing machine or dryer - although we did get an African maid who thought we were filthy rich Americans and dug through our trash to see what valuable objects we'd thrown away, so maybe that makes up for it. One phone on the entire missionary base, no internet, and extremely slow mail that sometimes got where it was supposed to and sometimes didn't. Plenty of poisonous bugs and GIANT snakes. Plenty of missionary stories about so-and-so's kid who died from a snake bite or was eaten by alligators. Like I said, not beautiful or pleasant.
Anway, the point is I've always been fascinated by this verse, trying to figure out why my mom chose it. And then just the other day, Ding! The light popped on in my head - took 20 years, but I finally got it. All I needed to do was read the verse before.
Psalm 16:5 - 6 "The LORD is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot. The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me."
The place wasn't beautiful. The circumstances weren't pleasant. I remember it being very hard to leave everyone and everything familiar and keep six kids alive, healthy, and happy in such a foreign place.
But the heritage isn't a four bedroom, three bath house in a fancy neighborhood or a brand new minivan or even healthy kids. The heritage is Jesus! Surroundings don't matter when I have Jesus.
I live in a small house (with no family room for my kids' toys!) on the wrong side of town. My husband is gone more than I think he should be, leaving me with three screaming, whining, arguing kids who need Jesus to radically change their lives if they're going to be godly adults. The everyday chores that no one really wants to do (anyone excited to change diapers or fold laundry?) are endless. I often think I have something to complain about - and I have it alot easier than my mom did! My circumstances are not beautiful or pleasant to me many days.
I have to focus my eyes on verse 2, "I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; I have no good besides You.'" I think of Corrie TenBoom in a concentration camp in Germany where there was literally no good anywhere around her, and yet, Jesus was still enough! When I keep Jesus in front of my eyes constantly in all his beauty and glory and holiness, I stop complaining about my circumstances and rejoice in Him. My job is to faithfully do the work He has given me to do (no matter how lowly and constant it seems) and keep my eyes focused continually on Him.

Psalm 37:3-4
"Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart."

What was I thinking?

2009-08-17T10:26:00.004-05:00

Today is Ethan's first official day of first grade. Which means it's my first day of adding "homeschool teacher" to my already overwhelming list of responsibilities around here. I think I might completely lose my mind before this is over. As you've probably noticed from the lightbulb eating incident and the van registration eating incident (see previous posts...), I HAVE to know what Kylie is doing ALL the time. And Julia's going through an "I'm going to scream loud and long all day, every day at everything I don't like" phase. She does not like me sitting on the couch doing school with Ethan. And we're adding a newborn to the mix in December.
Fortunately, Ethan's a smart little boy. He can figure out most stuff on his own without a lot of teaching. Unfortunately, I picked a science and history curriculum that requires me to do alot of reading, writing, and projects with him. He needs one-on-one time with me - something in short supply around here.
I have a feeling I'm going to have to resist the urge to flag down the bus that drives by our house every morning and beg them to take him to "real school" with them!

Me, Cinderella?

2009-08-03T15:37:00.004-05:00

I've decided being a mom is kind of like being Cinderella. The kids were watching this movie in the car the other day. I could hear it but not see it and wasn't really that interested. But I was driving and thinking and had nothing else to do. So when the mice started singing, "Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day it's Cinderelly, do the dishes...." and the rest of the words that I can't understand, all of a sudden this thought popped into my head.
"That's what I feel like all the time!" I live with a house full of people who need/ want something from me ALL the time."
"Mommy! Kylie's being mean to Julia!"
"Mommy! I can't find my ballerina!"
"Mommy, I'm bored"
"Mommy, I'm hungry"
"Mommy, can we listen to Odyssey?"
You hear the repitition? Just like the song.
"I'm Cinderella!" I thought.
Then I thought, "How did Cinderella respond to all the nagging, whining, and unfair endless lists of chores and cleaning and cooking?"
She didn't complain. She didn't whine to her husband about how overwhelmed she felt. She smiled. She sang. She talked to animals. Her attitude made life joyful when it shouldn't have been.
I have a few benefits over Cinderella. I'm not a slave with no other options. My children don't order me around. And I have a husband who helps me out now and then. So does my joy in God and in life make things fun when they shouldn't be? Or do I whine and complain about my endless to - do list?

Really, I'd just like to know: When do I get my fancy dress and get to go to the ball?

Ice cream temptation

2009-06-23T13:45:00.003-05:00

Ok. I realize it's been forever since I've written anything on here. I feel like I pretty much completely missed the last few months. In case you didn't know, I'm rather unexpectedly pregnant, so I spent April and May either throwing up or trying not to. But I'm beginning to feel like a semi-normal person again.
And Caleb said I had to blog what Kylie said to me today.
It's 9:30 in the morning. I'm on the computer trying to research a car charger for my laptop so the kids can watch movies on the long drive to New Orleans in July (yes, we are crazy for wanting to go to New Orleans in July, and if you know anything about car laptop chargers, we could use some advice).
Kylie has been suspiciously quiet for a couple of minutes, and I am just beginning to wonder why.
I hear Ethan yelling, "Kylie! You can't do that!" and half a minute later Kylie walks into my bedroom with something hiding behind her back.
She says rather sheepishly, "Mommy, can I have some ice cream?", pulls out the ice cream scoop from behind her back, and grins at me with her best "Aren't I too cute to say no to?" look.
I look at her like she's crazy. I'm very sure we have never eaten ice cream at 9:30 in the morning. Without hesistating, I answer, "No."
"But mommy, Satan's tempting me."
My mouth drops open as I try not to laugh hilariously.
Does she even know what tempting means? What three year old blames their desire for ice cream on Satan? No fit throwing. No whining. Just, "Satan's tempting me."
I try to reply something coherent and smart-sounding.
"Kylie, it's ok if Satan tempts you, but you don't have to do it" - or something lame like that.
Kylie leaves - surprisingly seeming to have forgotten all about ice cream.
Who knew I'd have to be so smart to keep ahead of a three year old.

Opinions anyone?

2009-03-30T13:34:00.002-05:00

Caleb and I have a new bedroom. We decided to play musical bedrooms to give the kids more space to play. Here's the problem. We're sleeping in a bright yellow room with baby quilts hanging over the windows. I obviously need to redecorate. But I can't decide what colors to use. Usually I use blue, brown, and green as my go-to colors. But we painted our WHOLE house blue when we moved in (NEVER do this!), and I am SICK of blue!!! Our kitchen is green and our living room is brown. Caleb is afraid if we paint brown or green, we will overdo a good thing and end up hating it like the blue. We thought about red, but Caleb likes cool, purply reds and I like warm, orangy-reds. I need curtains too. And the room is tiny, so we need something that makes it look bigger... Any great ideas? I love to decorate, but I always fall in love with the most expensive thing there is. And then I'm too cheap to buy it, so I settle for something I secretly think is ugly but is very cheap. So I need something cheap that I like this time. Help!!

What is this child going to think of next?

2009-03-30T13:25:00.003-05:00

You'll never guess what Kylie did Friday. She ate (as in it's GONE) our van registration!
We just got the new one in the mail that afternoon, and I laid it with the rest of the mail in a pile on the table. Then I started making supper. I got supper finished and cleared the table so I could set it. I noticed there was no pink paper and no stickers. So I asked Kylie, who was sitting at the table watching me, if she had seen the pink paper and the stickers.
"I ate it," she said matter of factly.
I didn't even know what to say. I looked under the table thinking surely she did not eat ALL the van registration. She probably just tasted a corner. All I found on the floor were two stickers with obvious teeth marks in them. Apparently she hadn't been able to chew them. The pink paper was gone.
I knew Kylie liked pink paper and stickers, but I didn't know she liked to EAT pink paper and stickers. I'll add that to the lightbulb eating incident and the time she sprayed "Home Defense" insecticide in her mouth as things to remember to tell her friends when she gets older.
The question is, what am I supposed to do? Can you just see me walking into the car registration office and saying, "I'm sorry. I need a new copy of my van registration because my daughter ATE the last one." Doesn't that sound suspiciously like, "No, teacher, My dog really did eat my homework!"? I'm sure the office workers are going to get a good laugh out of this one....

2009-02-26T19:25:00.004-06:00

Ethan made a craft today. As we've already established, art is not my strong point. The poor child has to make up his own art curriculum.

Meet "Uncle Josh" by Ethan.

I would like to point out that the things hanging out of Josh's mouth are teeth.

I asked Ethan, "Why do you think this looks like Uncle Josh?"

He said, "The pointy hair is like Josh's hair when he goes to church. But, at least he's not bald!!"

In case you think Josh really does look freaky, here's a picture of him swimming with Kylie.

Ethan loves Josh, and I'm sure most of the time Josh likes the attention, but I bet this is one time he'd rather not be the favorite. =)

18 days!!!

2009-02-23T11:43:00.002-06:00

In 18 days, I will be leaving with my husband for 5 days without our kids. I love the kids, but I am very much looking forward to a break. Can you tell? We're going to Colorado - not exactly the tropical vacation I really want. But I'd go anywhere (or nowhere at all) to be alone with my husband for a few days. =) And I'm sure it will be fun and relaxing even without the ocean. I'm just hoping it doesn't blizzard that weekend...

Julia Faith

2009-02-13T11:29:00.002-06:00

Julia has finally grown teeth - 4 to be exact! They make her look so silly! And this little patch of hair on top of her head is log enough to put in a ponytail....if you have an imagination. =)

25 Random Things

2009-01-29T14:29:00.003-06:00

Everyone on Facebook is doing this, but I thought it would be fun to do on my blog. So, here goes! =)
1.) My favorite food is chocolate! White chocolate. Dark chocolate. Mint chocolate. Chocolate with caramel. I'm not picky. I eat some chocolate virtually every day.
2.) I'm TERRIFIED of heights - which I've decided is genetic b/c so is my dad. You should've seen us at the top of the Sears Tower.
3.) When I was a teeneager, I shared a bedroom with my three younger sisters and shared the single bathroom in our home with all seven family members.
4.) I love black and white pictures of trees!
5.) I am very, very bad at dogs. Our first and last puppy lasted three weeks.
6.) I had a kitten I used to rock/sing to sleep!
7.) My dream when I was in elementary was to be a sprinter! Yes, running. Which any of you who watched me "run" in highschool will know was an incredibly ridiculous dream.
8.) The ocean is my absolute favorite place.
9.) I HATE to be hot! Over 80 or 85 degrees is too hot for me!
10.) For the first 20 years of my life, I thought farmers were extremely lazy people who only worked a few weeks in the spring to plant and a few weeks in the fall to harvest.
11.) My sister and I vowed to never, ever marry a farmer or a missionary.
12.) I'm now married to a farm boy who dreams of being a missionary pilot. And my sister married his brother.
13.) While living in Senegal, West Africa I learned that I am extremely allergic to cashew trees.
14.) My favorite class in college was Western Civilizations. We studied what ancient architecture and city planning reveals about their culture. Fascinating stuff!
15.) I sing ALL the time. A song is always playing in my head. So if you're in the middle of a conversation with me and I start singing (and listening at the same time, of course), sorry.
16.) I am forever grateful to Larry and Virginia Cooper who got me in the habit of reading my Bible every day.
17.) I cannot read Mary Higgins Clark books. Some creepy man is always sneaking up behind some unsuspecting girl and throwing a plastic bag over her head or something. They give me nightmares.
18.) Caleb and I got married on my sister's 16th (?) birthday. Sorry for stealing your day, Kristi!
19.) Someday I want to adopt a little boy from Africa.
20.) Flying makes me sick. As we landed in Dakar, Senegal when I was 8, I threw up all over my sister. Sorry Becca. Thank goodness for Dramamine!
21.) The night Caleb proposed to me, I dropped the gift he'd hidden the ring in - in the middle of a gravel road in the middle of nowhere in the pitch black dark. I think the poor man almost had a heart attack!
22.) I liked dissecting things in biology class. One time my brothers went fishing, and I dissected their fish just for fun. I think that's probably really weird....
23.) I'm terrified of parties! Having to mingle in a big group of people and find something not stupid to say totally freaks me out! I panic every time, and Caleb has to talk me out of it.
24.)My kids are much more entertaining, more adventurous, more trusting, more energetic, and more joyful than I am.
25.) I have spent way too much time talking about myself. Maybe you should do this, so I can learn something fun about you! =)

2009-01-15T07:45:00.002-06:00

I'm reading Beth Moore's devotional book, "John: 90 Days with the Beloved Disciple", and today I read a quote that stunned me a little. The main Bible verse for the day is John 3:16. How many of us have been able to quote that verse in our sleep since we were three years old?

"For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son that
whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."

But THINK about it! God spoke into being billions of light years containing billions of galaxies, most of which we cannot even see let alone understand. Then on one tiny speck in one average galaxy, circling one of billions of stars,God poured inestimable care. He fashioned it to be a perfect environment for life. And then He created us. Fallible humans who would one day torture and kill His only Son. Why go to all this trouble and sorrow? Beth Moore says,

"I am absolutely convinced that mankind exists out of the holy passion of the Trinity to draw others into their fellowship." pg. 205

God LOVES us, and He longs for relationship with us! Not because he needs us. He is self-sufficient. Yet He loves us - me - enough to come to this earth and die for me!
I have a hard time comprehending His love. It seems like love on earth is based on performance. "I love you IF...." If you're nice to me. If you give me what I need. If you listen to what I tell you to do. Somehow I have the tendancy (the audacity) to put God into that box. God loves me if I obey Him. If I'm good enough. If I'm loving towards my husband. If.
Cramming God into the confines of what my limited mind can comprehend.
Ridiculous, huh?
Ok, so after thinking all of this, I came to the quote that blew me away.

"And when the God of all the universe stoops down and a single child recognizes the tender condescension and bends her knee to stoop as well, the heart of God surges with unbridled emotion. And there they are. Just the two of them." pg. 207

Wow! One-on-one with God! My heart pretty much stops beating at the thought. And yet that is where I long to be - to spend eternity in the presence of God. Thank you Jesus for your love!
All this richness in what we mindlessly, repetitively quote with our kids.

for Kristi

2009-01-14T11:37:00.003-06:00

The other night we had Rice Crispy bars for dessert - something I don't make very often. So the kids were very excited! I started walking toward the table with the pan, and Kylie started yelling, "Rice Kristi bars! Rice Kristi bars!" We tried to correct her, but she was sure she was eating a Rice Kristi bar for desert. And it was so funny we just laughed - and called Aunt Kristi to let her know Kylie had named dessert after her! =)

Verses for 2009

2009-01-08T10:02:00.003-06:00

Psalm 143:6,8,10-11

I stretch out my hands to You; My soul longs for You, as a parched land. Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul. Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For the sake of Your name, O LORD, revive me. In Your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble.

This is my "I'm overwhelmed again today!" verse.
2 Corinthians 9:8

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything you may have an abundance for every good deed.

1 John 2:15-17

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

I could tell you lots of things God says to me through His words in these verses, but I think I'll let Him speak directly to your hearts without my personal commentary getting in the way.

Dreaming of white sand beaches....

2009-01-06T14:09:00.003-06:00

I don't know if it's because I've been freezing constantly for the past few weeks or because my kids have decided their favorite thing to do is run around the house screaming at the top of their lungs, but I have decided I want a tropical vacation. I want to lay in the sand with the sun shining on me and hear nothing but the roar of the waves. I LOVE the ocean - sad for someone who lives in Nebraska, I know. But I would rather watch the sun go down (or come up - I'm not picky) over the ocean than do just about anything. Anyone want to roadtrip to California? I suppose the more important question is: Anybody want to babysit my kids while I roadtrip to California? Not likely. I know.

Life as a three-year-old

2008-12-17T17:59:00.003-06:00

We were talking at supper tonight about the presents Jesus wants for His birthday. Ethan and I were having a pretty good discussion.
Kylie, not wanting to miss an opportunity to talk, pipes up, "Jesus is precious to me!"
Out of the mouths of three year olds.
I just wonder, "does she have a clue what she just said?"
And, "Who knew she knew the word 'precious' well enough to use it in a sentence?"
Now, ten minutes later she's sitting in time out screaming because I told her to pick up that toys she threw on the ground and she said, "no!"
Oh...the life of a three year old...